Almost Virgin

A New Life a Strange Life

2007-10-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

I lie down on my bed, looking at my ceiling. I gave my pillow a nice big tug. The comfort was unbelievable. I felt safe being at home.

It has seem a long time since I was able to lie down feeling relaxed and safe. I licked the remains of the after taste of the strawberries I just had for dinner. The sourness burns my tongue but the sweetness warms my heart. I just had to close my eyes and I know another new day will start. I choose not to. I choose to savour the precious moment I have now. Such tranquility seldom pops by.

I took a deep breath and I start to think.

What should I do? I have the time now, tons of them. But I have been busy occupying myself. Salsa Trainings on a 4 day basis. Gym on a daily basis. Lunch time is out. I need to gym. Night chilling is out, I need to train. I need to swim on weekends and I still have to work. Is this what my life should be evoling around? I say no but I like it so much at least for now.

I want to learn golf cause I would get to socialise. I want to learn diving as it is something that I wanted to learn all this time but due to G-F-scared-of-fish-syndrome, I can only do it now. I want to learn Muay Thai to protect the world of MRT seat snatchers, to protect the world of nipple pinchers. I want to, I want to.... win a Salsa competition. That is not going to be easy.

It is only when things are calmed, you start to realise that there are people out there who lives a life more exotic than you thought you did yours. I need to paint my life with colors soon. I am not getting any younger. I am already 25.

Okay who am i lying to, I am a little more than 25, just a little. My ass is not cute, no flesh, I need more flesh around that area, how can I do that? Shit more, not enough. Get pregnant, that should help. Too bad I am not a woman. Get someone to pump my ass? The only person who does that is my shit.

So it seems I cannot solve the problem of having a small ass. So i want a bigger chest. Pump my chest by doing 200 pushups a day. Take protein, chicken breast and 2 hard boiled egg for breakfast on a daily basis. So I will one day get a big chest with big breast and small titties.

I want to get a six pack, need to do tons of cardio. Need to eat wisely. Do too much cardio will lose the muscles. I need the muscles. Do less cardio. Still doing 100 sit ups aday. Still having a round of beer on certain days. I get fat, not lean, but fat.

Now I have a big head, big chest, big tummy, small ass and my slim short legs. What am I?

Check out the size of the balls!!!!

Damn I need to get back to sleep!!!

My Testimonial

2007-10-04T01:14:00.000-07:00

My director which is my direct boss is leaving the company. Before she leaves, I decided to draft a testimonial for her to endorse. This is what I wrote.

TESTIMONIAL FOR JOHNNY KWEK

Johnny Kwek has been with Excelink Technology since October 2005 till present (October 2007). In these few years of his presence at Excel, he has contributed a lot of time and effort in this Company to make things work for the projects that he has been dealing with.

Even though with no prior knowledge of banking background, Johnny has proved his worth and diligence to be able to learn on the job. Currently, he has substantial knowledge in the Financial Domain, with strong qualities on Customer Relationship Module and Unit Trust Products. He is also coupled with other banking related knowledge like Structured Products and Sales Performance Systems.

To top it off, Johnny has been excellent supporting a few local projects. As part of his role as a Consultant, which deals with the clients from various banks directly, he has been patient yet confident and handles the clients in a very proper and organized infrastructure. We have received commendations from our clients directly which wishes to express their gratitude on the the effort and attitude that Johnny has put in for them in their projects. These praises comes to the company directly that helps to built on top of the current client-vendor relationship. This will not have happen if not for Johnny’s role that has been efficient and detailed. Johnny has proved himself to be able to handle client relationship very well.

Johnny has proved that he is confident and he does not stumble in a huge crowd. Furthermore, he is also able to express himself clearly and in a very detailed manner when it comes to documentation such as business requirements and functional specifications. He comes along with a good command of language ability and is able to pin down thoughts quickly and specifically.

With a good attitude from what I know of this employee, he will be able to go far and beyond what he thinks his capabilities will bring him.

Director
Geraldine Siah

04 October 2007

THERE IS THIS BIG SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I AM DONE. STRANGE ENOUGH, I DON"T KNOW WHY!!!

Potent Sabotage

2007-09-26T21:43:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

Once again, my email account has been hijacked by the one I used to love so madly. I emphasized that this is not the first time and its enough.
I am starting a new email address and msn.

Please add me on johnnykwek@hotmail.com

The difference is the UnderScore in between.

I am sure you guys must be curious on what happenend. So here goes.

Yes as a bastard, my heart had waivered and I admit it is all my fault. I had feelings for someone else and I have hurt my ex-girlfriend's heart. I would have felt a lot of guilt and tons of remorse but I sincerely think such feelings no longer hold in my heart.

The day that she changed my email passwords, deleted my friendster, my blog passwords. I knew this was something too childish that is way out of my imagination. She even called in to terminate my mobile plan. So stuck with no emails, no identity, no telephone contact, I am confirmed that things are not going to happen. To the extent that I even terminated all 3 of my credit cards.

To a point in time, when we quarrelled, even though I know I was the root of the problem, it does not make sense to me anymore. I do not even want to quarrel anymore. It does not upsets me, it does not affect me. It is just so immature and childish.

Having to equip oneself with a weapon during a quarrel/fight is very scary. At the risk of protecting my friends and family, I will make no mistake. Now my own life is at stake. I will not risk it.

So please do help to clarify my email issues with whichever friends that you happen to think that I will have contact to. If any emails/spams sent by johnny_kwek@hotmail.com, I will not bear any legal responsibilities.

Please respect my decision as a friend.

Thanks

Regards,
Johnny aka Almost Virgin.

This is not a spam. This is the true world.

Absofuckinglutely Single

2007-09-23T03:34:00.000-07:00

It seems that self-delusion should have come to full stop by now. I have to say this out loud in order to allow myself to move forward and continue to pursue what my destiny lies ahead. In order to slay the dragon, rescue the princess and uphold World Peace.

Everyone. I am absofuckinglutely single now. Whoever interested please hit on me and if you know someone who could be interested in me. Please hit me too.

My new bachelor life starts from this full stop.

We should love our Country

2007-07-18T00:32:00.001-07:00

Lets Go Fishing

2007-07-09T02:06:00.000-07:00

You've probably heard the Chinese proverb, "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime."

So who doesn’t want to learn how to fish?

Recently, it seems that there is an uprising of fishermen around in the Salsa Scene. Sometimes it gets so bad that you can see fishermen fighting for one fish. C’mon dudes, there are tons of fishes in the sea, why waste a Garoupa for an Ikan Billis. Prepare yourself for a whale or a shark, assuming if you are more adventurous.

The point is there are quite a few kinds of fishermen around.

Fisherman #1 – The Man with the Fishing Rod

Ideally, such man uses his baits and catches one fish at a time. Not too much, but one fish at a time. He sits patiently and waits for his catch to come. Once his good fortune sinks in, he catches a fish. It could be any species of fish. He tastes the fish, probably not very appropriate to his liking; he spits it away and continues fishing.

Fisherman #2 – The Man with the Fishing Net

The perfect characteristics of a greedy man. Nothing can be ever enough. Such fishermen usually have a very perverted look and he is nowhere near the category of a common man. Very desperate and once swore to the Dragon King that he will ~~hump~~ catch every fish in the sea. By using a net, such fisherman usually has a very wide variety of catch. Young fish, old fish, fat fish, skinny fish, Chinese fish, Malay fish, Indian fish, Ang Moh fish. As the saying goes in his theory, “As long as there is fish, it will be a good fish.”

Fisherman #3 – The Hardworking Man who gets the Fish

He waits patiently for his fish. He only wants to catch one fish. The sun has set and the moon has set but still he waits. He waits for the Golden Pearl of the sea. He gets the freshest bait he could find and he sacrifices all his time to sit by the sea and watches over his Golden Pearl. He finally caught his fish. He is happy. And I hope he stays happy. At least for now.

Fisherman #4 – The Lucky Man who gets the Fish

Such fishermen do not fish. They just happen to sit by the lake and fishes starts jumping from nowhere and offer themselves. They take their pick to find the fattest juiciest fish and then they walk away. Bastards. Freaking stealing the livelihood of the normal fishermen. These bastards are so lucky sometimes that even if they pee in the lake, the fishes would also hallucinate to think that that was bait. The fishes started jumping out if the lake to get their bait. Hope such bastards get a shark the next time.

Fisherman #5 – The Man who is not sought out to be a Fisherman

These are the men who are always catching boots, used condoms, transformers toys from the sea. Quite a loser sometimes that they cannot visualize that they are not suited to be a fisherman. They do not have the technique, the skills, the good baits, and the patience. They start to fish because all their friends are fishermen. They should change their occupation and realize that maybe they have better talents in another way such as becoming an eyebrow plucker.

My First JJ Performance

2007-07-09T01:09:00.000-07:00

My Rueda Competition with Video and Pictures

2007-07-09T00:48:00.000-07:00

My Rueda Competition

2007-07-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

~~Oh dear I lost again. Nope, I did not lose. I got second.~~

Oh dear, I didn’t win again.

A very big thank you to everyone who supported me and the team of Los Lomantics.

We are very grateful.

I have come a long way and I have joined 3 competitions under my name now. I have participated in Salsa, Bachata and Rueda competitions and I self proclaim that I am still not a versatile dancer.

Next stop. Exotic, here I come.

I have learnt a lot from my team members.

I have learnt a lot from Boon Cheong who have taught me tons of tricks and I enjoy sharing the sparks of ideas with him.

I have learnt a lot from Daphne dear who is always so cheerful and chirpy and she is someone who can ease all tension.

I have learnt a lot from Eileen who taught me how to extinguish a fire and how to cook a nice plate of bee hoon.

All these have become a part of me and a part that will live with me for the rest of my life.

I have lost the competition but I am glad that at least I put up a performance that everyone had enjoyed.

I love the aftermath of the handshake, the eyes of satisfaction, the smile of the viewers and the kiss from the ang mohs. I love the fame, the audience, the fans, the love, the support, the intensity, the tension, the urgency to pee.

I thank again and again each day I have friends like you guys who came down to support. Without you, there would be no point of me living as a performer.

I won friends and love and tons of other things. I won 2 pairs of bras from fans as souvenirs that night and I got Calvin Klein underwear from a secret admirer.

It’s about time now that I concentrate on my next performance and till then, the Virgin is going to rest.

Watch me on 7th July at Ngee Ann City. Live from Singapore.

Rueda Competition is Tomorrow. WTF??

2007-06-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

I will be participating in the ever first Rueda Competition. I must admit after 2 competitions, the fear of an audience has became lesser. But no doubt, the kick of performing live in front of so many audience is still driving me crazy.

It gives me an orgasm every time I think of it.

Plus my rueda team, we call ourselves Los Lomantics, comprising of

the cute and sweet Hamster girl,

the sensitive and caring Fire Warden (Assistant)

the creative and talented Batman,

the Almost and Virgin Superman,

are gonna try our very best to entertain you with a choreo NEVER seen b4 in Singapore to a song NEVER heard b4 in Sg salsa scene! what's more, we're really a group of friends, not affiliated to any team for this once, coming together to do something so fun, we always end up laughing at ourselves ;)

We are the Los Lomantic and we are very romantic.
We are simply fantastic and we are rueda fanatics.

Calling out for help, please do cheer for the Los Lomantics. A constant cheering through out the entire performance will be good as it makes me feel safer when the frequency of your voice rings across my ears. You complete me. Silence during my performance will demoralise me. Will you do me this favour?

Secondly, another favour, I need all your help to do this. You may not be a Rueda dancer, you may not even be a Salsa dancer, but I am sure you can do this. This is not finalised but assuming it does.

IF IN THE MIDST OF MY DANCE AND I YELL TU-MA-DRE, WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER BACK AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE, LA-TU-YA. IT IS JUST A 3 SYLLABUS WORD. LA-TU-YA!!!

THANKS A MILLION. HONESTLY, I HOPE THE LOS LOMANTICS CAN PUT UP A PERFORMANCE NEVER SEEN IN TOWN AND SOMETHING YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Regards,
Almost Virgin.

A Demonstration of Contemporary Style Dancing

2007-06-21T02:31:00.000-07:00

Words have no meaning anymore. Just watch it!!!

Water Shortage

2007-06-20T02:26:00.000-07:00

As part of my job, I have to deal with public relations, which denotes PR.

PR signifies that you will be Probably Raped and always getting Push aRound and we play the part of the Pretentious Role.

I do have clients which are so unreasonable and rude and mean and evil and crazy that I really feel like strangling their neck, pull their hair, pinch their cheeks and smack their ass.

But what to do, clients are clients. They are the one showing me the money.

The funniest email came to my boss today and she showed it to me.

Dear XXXXXX,

I came to realize that whenever your colleagues come to our office, our office will have a shortage of water. Your kind gesture of 10RM will be deeply appreciated whenever any of your colleagues pop by for any meeting or other support issues.

Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Yours Truly,
YYYYYYY

Just because my colleagues re-filled their water bottle from their water cooler, they are charging us money.

Now you understand why banks are rich?

AlMoSt dYiNg ViRGiN™ [Updated]

2007-06-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a minute off my freaking busy schedule to pin down my thoughts.

I am taking part in a Rueda competition on the 30th June.
I am taking part in a dacning performance on 7th July 2007.

My work schedule is damn busy. Life sucks. I am too lazy for sex. I am losing weight. I am losing sleep. My shoulders aches. My triceps hurts and my back is killing me.

I have Rueda training on Monday.
I have perf team training on Tuesday.
I have Rueda training on Wednesday.
I have Rueda training on Thursday.
I have perf team training on Friday
I have perf team training on Saturday.
I have Rueda training on Sunday.
I have perf team training on Sunday.

I attended Shaka Brown classes.
Went to attend Enmotion Shaka Bling Bling.

I have no time to sleep. I have no time to social at Union Square. I have no time to bond with my Reuda friends. I have no time to drink with my drinker friends.

Is this worth it?

Definitely.

If no blood was shed, no empire will not be created.
If no passion was involved, zombies will roam the earth.
If no viagra was invented, some people would have problem with sex.
If no ecstasy was made, then what is life all about?

Updated....

I was just given the orders by the man himself, Mariachi.
"Johnny you need to get your ass here tonight and everynight till saturday"

Tuesday - Sharon Pakir and her Team

Wednesday - Sunny Boy's Birthday

Thursday - Tertiary Night => Many Young Girls + Sharon Pakir and her Team

Friday - DJ Spin Contest - The 2 out of 3 Angels => DJ Michelle and DJ Dalina

Saturday - SuperNova Salsa Team Qualifying

Starting from now, I will sacrifice my toilet time.

Only If.........

2007-06-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

How I wish I could just....

read a book
lay on a mat
sip on a coconut
listen to salsa
hug my woman
trim my eyebrows
cut my toenail
massage my bruises
have a McSpicy
watch Stephen Chow movie
watch my artistic videos
go for shine classes
visit the musuem
go to gym
buy a shirt
drink a galleon of beer
meet up with my closest friends
sent a postcard
go alexandra to eat my barbeque fish
visit my grandma
visit the orphanage
visit the old folks home
buy underwear
do my blog

What have I been missing? Oh dear!!!

Only if.....

Only if.....

Only if.....

Only if.....

I had the time!!!

What is Rueda?

2007-06-08T01:09:00.000-07:00

Damn it!!! What is Rueda?????

Will someone please enlighten me on what is Rueda? Seems that there are so many restrictions to the so call “The enlightening Rueda”, everything seems to be such a chore now.

On the web, this is the so called Rueda.

During the late 1950's in Cuba, there was a popular dance that was done in the streets and in the clubs, and in peoples' homes. It was called Casino Rueda, or Rueda de Casino, or simply Rueda.
Rueda simply means "wheel". Casino refers to the kinds of turns and breaks you might normally see in ordinary partner Salsa Dancing. What makes Rueda unique is that the dancing is done in the "wheel", as a group, with the "followers" being passed in the wheel, rapid exchanging of partners, and many complicated moves -- sometimes done as wheels within wheels -- and all done in time with "hot" Salsa music. Each move, or "call", has a name, and is called by a leader of the Rueda, sometimes in very quick succession. Many of the moves also have hand signals as well as names, in order to be able to dance in a loud club setting. The Rueda can be as small as two couples, or as large as a space can hold -- as many as a hundred couples.

When dancing Rueda, there is a new group dynamic that happens. What is not obvious when watching Rueda, is the new level of awareness required to have a group dance flow smoothly, and look sharp AND keep it fun! Dancers learn to open their sphere of awareness, their peripheral vision, beyond the normal restricted "bubble" of solo or partner dancing. In this way, dancers coordinate and adjust their individual feel and timing and style so as to make the Rueda "click". When this happens, it is very exciting indeed! A unique group feeling develops, and you can feel the whole wheel ebb and flow, and "breathe" to this wonderful AfroCuban/LatinAmerican music. The result is an exciting Dance, exciting to do, exciting to watch!

The form of the Rueda -- passing partners in a wheel -- may reflect some influence of French Court Dances (brought to Cuba by Haitians), blended with the Afro-Cuban movements. With Cuban emigration to the US -- mainly into Miami -- the Cuban culture, music and dance blossomed, and, along with Mambo, ChaCha, and "Salsa", Rueda re-emerged and became popular in the Miami clubs in the 1970s and 1980s. Today there are many places to learn and dance Rueda in Miami.

To the **** with this.
See my interpretation of Rueda.

The gist of Rueda is to move in a Circle, meaning you have to switch partner. Not once, not twice, but consistently changing partners.

Isn’t this enough?

Furthermore, you do not really have to move in a circle. You can move in square, triangle, rectangle, crazy shapes, it doesn’t matter, as long as your partner is consistently changing.

Right? Am I not correct?

The second thing. Why why why why why why why must we rueda in a 100% Salsa song?

Why why why why why?

I strongly believe that we can dance to any music as long as there is an 8 beat cling in the music. We can do Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, Cha Cha Cha or anything as long as it is an 8 beat consistent music. Why is there a need to have a distinguished 100% Salsa based music? Does it matter? Would you lose the feel of a Rueda?

No!!! Obviously.

You think I cannot do Rueda to the sound of “Only You”. Maybe it is going to be a bit slow, but it is still danceable. And you think I cannot Rueda to Eminem’s Rap? This time round, it might get a little too fast for my stumpy feet, but still, its danceable. Right?

The last and final thing. Is it because of the public opinion that distinguishes a Rueda song. On the dance floor, the band or the DJ start to spin the legendary “Rueda” songs. The crowd goes crazy and they starts to yell.

“Rueda!! RueDA!!! RUEDA!!!!”

The dancers go wild and they start to dance in a circle.

How the hell did they know this was a Rueda song?

Who said so I pondered?

“The good dancers say so lor”

I went to ask the good dancers who said so.

“Don’t know leh, whenever this song pop up, and people sure Rueda one.”

Ooooookayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So now it comes down to a generalization remark.

I asked a advanced dancer that day and this was the feedback.

"A rueda circle needs to have a very high energy level and very up tempo beats in order to perform a rueda performance. Definitely moves has to be executed by all dancers together in order to display the gist of Rueda. The calling would help bring the energy to another level. "

Calling out for help to all Salseros and Salseras, can I Rueda to a love song?
I know I can.
But is it right to do so??
Can I do Rueda in a straight line?

Camera Whoring Time!! Whoopee!!!

2007-06-05T02:49:00.000-07:00

Do you think SalsaSingapore will sue me for this? Gerald, Vivian, if this is not deem appropriate, please do tell me. I will remove from my blog.

My Perf Team. I still think I am the cutest.

My dancing partner. Which denotes, we are only partner on the floors. Please, people, please intro cute boys to her.

My perf team acting crazy.

Homo, Lesbian and Gay

All of us in the picture.

Whose breast did I lay my hands on? My own!!!

Stupid John Stupid john Stupid John

My auntie Chrissy!!!

Oh man, check out my double chin!!! Shit manz, I'm getting too fat.

Why do women like bad boys?

2007-06-04T23:16:00.000-07:00

I was combing the net for artistic articles and I happen to bump onto this.

Why do women like bad boys?

Have you ever wondered why THAT guy always seems to get the girls? He's brash, cocky and he marches to the beat of his own drum. He's on (or over) the edge, bordering on rude and doesn't seem to give a damn about anyone but himself - what exactly do women see in a guy like that?

You consider yourself outgoing, but conservative; interesting but a little shy; you can keep a conversation going, but with the right people... sounds good doesn't it? Why do the bad boys always seem to get the ladies?

Here are 7 reasons why:

1. Rebels are confident

That's right. They wouldn't be able to pull off half of the antics they do if they weren't brimming with confidence. Bad boys aren't just confident around their friends, either - their cavalier attitude is in everything they do, from eating their cereal in the morning, to asking the bartender for a cool glass of draft... to talking to the ladies on the balcony at a friend's party. No matter where you look, women find confidence a major turn on.

2. Rebels are indifferent

Bad boys just simply don't give a damn. They can take it or leave it. That's one reason why they fare well with women. If a woman says no, who cares? They move on to the next one, and they do it with the same verve and maverick attitude as they did the last one. Here is a great quote, "Mr. Right doesn't necessarily care if he is Mr. Right." That's indifference in a nutshell.

3. Rebels are exciting and adventurous

Ask yourself, "when was the last time I took a walk on the wild side?" If you are asking yourself that question, then you obviously aren't a rebel. The 'bad boys' are always testing the boundaries and pushing the envelope when it comes to their life - and women can't get enough of it. They find it intriguing. And when you put exciting and adventurous beside the other rebellious traits, it sends women into a tizzy.

4. Rebels are challenging and mysterious

Women don't dig men that are pushovers. They also don't like men that they can see coming a mile away. Contrary to the belief women like men they can read and men that provide them with a sense of security, women actually LOVE to guess! It is challenging for them, and it is one of the elements of the bad boy that keeps them coming back for more!

5. Rebels are very masculine

This often goes hand-in-hand with being confident, indifferent, exciting, adventurous... etc. Bad boys are often rugged and in-control. That doesn't mean controlling; they just know how to get what they want. They speak clearly and confidently, they look you in the eye, they are passionate about what they believe in... but most importantly, they still know how to treat a lady.

6. Rebels give women a feeling of power

The illusion of control is often more powerful than control itself. Power within a relationship, power outside of a relationship - it doesn't matter - being with a bad boy, encompassing all of the above traits, gives women an air of strength and togetherness. Essentially the confident, cocky bad boy image rubs off a little bit on her - and she laps it up!

7. Rebels know how to talk to women

If they weren't confident, rebels would not be the chick magnets they are. Instead of indifferent, they would be self-conscious and non-committal (how many women have you passed up because you didn't think you were good enough?) - you see, rebels don't care. Rising to the challenge, living the wild side of life, being something more than conservative, and keeping her guessing about you - and her - it's an explosive combination! And one that is geared to success for the dating male.

The combination makes the talking part almost a given - considering the woman's interest has already been sparked. Talking with them is just the part that reels them in. And the bad boy knows how to tell her just what she wants to hear.

Rebels know how to talk to women because they are all of the above. Confidence followed up with indifference, sprinkled with a little bit of mystery, intrigue and excitement is what attracts most women to start. That gets you the 'in' to talk with them - they're interested, now you have to show them what you've got. Figuring those things out is the trick. Bad boys use their conversational skills to keep a woman interested and wanting more - and you can too.

So are you a bad boy?

Colors on the Salsa Floor

2007-06-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

As the mesmerizing hip motion moves up and down, left and right, I was caught with the reflection of the color contrast. Now you see white, now you see black. White then black. White, black, white, black. The thin skirt flapping across the fair skin caught my attention with the short glimpses of color change.

I said, “Wah Lan eh, damn disgusting.”

“Dun bluff lor, you men always like cheap thrills like that.”

I pondered over her answer and I ask myself. Do men really enjoy cheap thrills like these? Women knowing such weaknesses, deliberately allow such little loopholes for men to fall in and ogle over such minute excitements.

Simply said, covering the upper body, a lady with nice long legs would usually pull the trigger. Something exciting underneath can make the difference also. Meaning, if such sudden glances and you see some little words underneath written such as “What are you looking at?” Such excitements will actually work wonders.

But the fact that the girl is not pretty, she has elephant thighs and intentionally wearing super short flair skirts and a damn disgusting ******, WAH LAN EH. SUPER CMI.

I apologized for sidetracking and let’s get back to the main topic.

Colors. It’s weird that we play with colors all the time and definitely on the dance floor. Red is a very Salsa color because it is a very hot and sensual dance that we are doing and red represents passion, love and lust. It is a color that the devil can pull off very well.

Black is a very sleek color. It represents coolness, attitude and style. Most people can pull off black very well as it is the basic color. Black is simple yet sophisticated and easy to wear for fat people like me. Makes me look slimmer. Black is also good for hiding as it blends well with the surroundings and people can’t see me. Welcome to the dark side.

From my very own friend, she said she don’t really enjoy dancing with men in black. A very surprising statement indeed and the logic I do not seem to understand. So I asked like a gentleman for an answer.

Her answer is, “When men spin me too fast, I turn and turn. If he wears black, it is quite difficult to spot him and all I can concentrate is on his teeth. If he doesn’t smile, lagi better, I usually land up with another guy.”

The morale of the story, “Never wear full black attire while spinning a girl.”

The Salsa Movie

2007-06-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

In response to my slut’s latest post, I would like to add on to some very disturbing comments I have been receiving recently.

In a night of salsa lust, everyone play a role. There are tons of characters for everyone to play and hallucinate themselves to be in. We cannot do with one less role play from each of the actors and actresses. Role playing here defines being into character. It is quite similar to Sluts wearing Nurse Uniform, or Ah-Bengs acting Nerd. Some of them come in Superheroes outfit; some come in crazy clown suits.

The underlining issue here is that what role would you like to play?

In my recent list, there are a few categories. There are dancers, drinkers, hookers and onlookers.

For dancers, we further categorize them into pure dancers, pretence dancers and cannot-dance dancers. For pure dancers, we further classify again into smooth dancers, crazy dancers, chaotic dancers, fun dancers, cute dancers, horny dancers, salivating dancers, fat dancers, short dancers, smelly dancers, touchy dancers etc.

For drinkers, there are tons of drinkers around. Some drink to get drunk, some drink to get high. Some drink to wet their lips. Some don’t drink at all but keep going to the toilet. I don’t really understand this point.

For hookers, blah blah blah blah blah. Yes you are right. I shall not comment more.

For onlookers, we can further split them up into interested lookers and uninterested lookers. Interested lookers are here to learn more about salsa and what it is all about. These are cool people whom I believe will one day share the same passion like me who will love Salsa. For people who came because of what the soothsayer says, salsa is a scene where the legendary killer boys and the hunting girls lay, I also believe that they one day will fall for Salsa, as what the soothsayer says is totally true. For the uninterested people who came only for the free drinks, please try to steer clear from the dance floor. Since you don’t dance and you have a huge ass, get lost.

So what was the very disturbing comment to make Almost Virgin so damn upset?

They say I belong to the drinkers. *Sob* *Sob*

But....

But....

But....

I thought....

I thought....

I thought....

I belong to the Hookers. *Wink* *Wink*

Miss Universe 2007

2007-05-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I would like to congratulate Miss Japan for coming top among the contestants. The rest of the girls did a wonderful job also. Also to praise Miss USA for looking so elegant despite her tripping on her own evening gown which made her land on her butt. She still looks good despite the fall.

MISS JAPAN

Looks like Tanya Chua Singapore Singer right? Not very appealing.

Looks like Helena from SHE Taiwan Pop Group. So Cute!!!

Loved the Evening Gown.

What's the problem with a traditional Kimono? What is this? It sure look like the villain from Power Rangers.

My opinion that Miss Japan won due to her very appealing character and her confidence shown by her stage presence. On top of that, her passion for dancing.

MISS BRAZIL

This is super porn position lor. CMI.

I personally think this picture not very can make it. Fail

I think too fat for me. She looks super ba ba.
Cock a cock a eh!!!

MISS KOREA

Super Chio lor. OH MAN. OH MY GOD!!! Slurp!!

She definitely looks slimmer like that. Too bad you guys cannot catch her dimple. Melts you away.

Look very ba ba too over here. But trust me, I think she should have won.

Like some Ah Ma. Super Obajang.

MISS SINGAPORE

How can I forget about our own little talent in our own little Town.

Frankly, I hate this face.

Ah.... here is a better picture of our dear Jessica.

Sibei Lian ah!!! Like some revengeful ghost.

I didn't know that this is my National Costume.

What's in a Name?

2007-05-29T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was with my nephew at 7-Eleven last night. I wanted to get a drink.

[Almost Virgin] Hey Javen, would you like a drink?
[Javen] Okay.
[Almost Virgin] What would you like to have?
[Javen] Anything lor.
[Almost Virgin] You say lar, what you want?
[Javen] Anything lor.
[Almost Virgin] You must at least tell me what you want dear. Don’t anything anything.
[Javen] I want anything.
[Almost Virgin] WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT IS ANYTHING?????
[Javen] I want ANYTHING.

He took my hand, brought me to the fridge, and pointed to this little can drink.
[Javen] I WANT ANYTHING.

I Love Tights Jeans

2007-05-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

Nothing much but on a picture that I want to share.

I love tight jeans! It gives you a very protected feeling.

When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands (Updated)

2007-05-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry dudes, I have been very very very very busy recently with tons of stuff in my life and that’s why this blog is going down. I am busy with work, busy with competition, busy with performance, busy with my girlfriend and busy with my man. Therefore I am very busy. In short I am busy. Even shorter. I’m busy. So I am not inspired by any interesting thoughts in my life except for women and dance at this very moment. That’s why I decided a write a happy song. Sing along if you want to be as happy as I am.

When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands
When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands
When you are Happy and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Happy and You know it Clap Your Hands

When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends
When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends
When you are Horny and You know it
And you are dying just to show it
When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends

When you are Angry and you know it Show your Finger
When you are Angry and you know it Show your Finger
When you are Angry and you know it
And you really wanna show it
Stuff that finger up where you know it up his ass

When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow
When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow
When you are Stupid and you know it
And you are dying just to show it
When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow

When you are Hungry and you know it Suck your Thumb
When you are Hungry and you know it Suck your Thumb
When you are Hungry and you know it
And you just cannot help but suck it
When you are Hungry and you know it Suck my Thumb

When you are a Gay Boy and You know it Say Thank God
When you are a Gay Boy and You know it Say Thank God
When you are a Gay Boy and you know it
Grab a woman and just Do it.
And then you will feel happy and you know it Say Thank God

(XIAO QIANG)
When you are Sexy and you know it Shake your Butt
When you are Sexy and you know it Shake your Butt
When you are Sexy and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Sexy and You know it Shake Your Butt

(XIAO QIANG)
When you are Slutty and you know it Pout your Lips
When you are Slutty and you know it Pout your Lips
When you are Slutty and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Slutty and You know it Pout your Lips

Hey everyone join me and include one more phrase. Cmon. I’m sure it will be fun.

I Would Do Anything

2007-05-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Nancy was walking alone all by herself. She was definitely not in the best of mood as she sees the forlorn couples strolling together, holding hands along the river side. The smooching and cuddling of others irritates her to the max.

Nancy was sad. Nancy was very sad. She just got ditched by Leonardo.

“Crap” she yelled. Her voice frightened the lovebird walking pass her who scuffled away quickly as if a mad man was released.

Leonardo just dumped her using some crap excuse that he wasn’t ready to be committed. Nancy knew it was just some lame excuse for him to go ahead and hump some other women. Nancy was furious but yet alone.

She had a friend named Justin and she suddenly recall this special place Justin once mentioned to her. She remembered that Justin did say that it was a special place that would leave you with a unique memory that you will never forget.

Her excited feet brought her to a little pub across the street, next to the alley of rats, with a broken sign board. She went in and sat down. She ordered a beer and started looking around.

Nothing much in peculiar except for tons and tons of beautiful women around. To start of with, Nancy was already feeling down. The fact that she knows her inperfection as a woman, the lustful ladies around her made her feel so shadowy and so minute. Nancy sipped on her beer glass and suddenly, a huge commotion rang at the entrance.

A young man walked in. All the women went crazy. He was in a MJ hat, walking down the stairs and giving flying kisses to all the women around. All the ladies were circling around this prey like a vulture to a dead animal. Nancy could feel the strong immense pressure evolving from the presence of this young man.

Nancy was curious but yet, too secluded away to catch a full glimpse of this mango pudding. All she can see was the words on his T-shirt. It states “Almost Virgin”.

Nancy continued to sip on her beer glass, unintentionally thinking about her Leonardo. They did spent some sweet moments together before. They did have their share of satisfaction, lust and sex.

Suddenly, she can feel this pressure slowly creeping up her back. Step by step, she can feel it. It's coming closer and closer. She turned around and there stands the handsome charming young man standing right next to her.

“Hi, my name is Virgin and could I buy you a drink?”, he said, in the sexiest voice that would outshine the voices of an angel.

Nancy, taken by surprise, was speechless. Out of the millions of beautiful women around, why did he has to come and buy me a drink? Her curiousity led her to reply in her most appealing voice she could imagine.

“Of course, it would be my pleasure. Thank you very much.”

“No, no, no. The honour is mine. It is my pleasure to buy a drink for such a beautiful lady like you. Hey John, can you top it up here.”, as Virgin pointed to the bartender.

Nancy responded quickly to start a conversation. “It seems that someone is considered quite a big shot around here. See all the commotion around at the entrance upon arrival.”

“You got to be kidding. This man is nothing great compared to all the women here. They are the fantastic ones. And I mean including you.”

Nancy blushed and all she could do was to hold up her beer and begin to take another sip.

“So why are you here alone on this lovely evening?” Virgin enquired.

Nancy pondered and respnded “To get a chance to meet someone special?”

“How special is this someone suppose to be in order to captivate this fallen angel from heaven?”

“Well, this is something for me to know and for you to explore” Nancy giggled.

With his fingers to her chin, Virgin tilted Nancy’s face towards his. He advanced slowly towards her face and moved towards the ear. He whispered. “For you my dear, I am willing to do anything.” He planted a smooch on her ears which made Nancy blushed almost instantly.

He trailed her from her ears back to the side of her lips before commenting again. “For twenty dollars, I’m yours the whole night and I will fulfill you of your greatest fantasy.”

Nancy got excited and knew instantly what would come after next. Her need for a man triggered by the incident of her previous boyfriend drive her to accept the idea of a toy boy. She smiled and said “Will you really do anything?”

“Anything to satisfy you” Virgin smiled and planted yet another kiss on her cheek.

Nancy reached for her handbag and took out two ten dollar bill.

“This is for you my dear and I want you tonight. You will do anything for me right?”

“Anything, as long as you can name it.”

“Okay here goes. I need you to clean my dishes, walk my dog. Hang the laundry and clean the toilet. Preferably if you could rearrange my storeroom as it is getting quite messy nowadays, that would be excellent. If time allows maybe you could mop my living room and try to fix that TV that doesn’t seem to work. After that you could vacuum my car, clean the seats and finish with a nice polish to make my Volks a beautiful girl.”

As she raised her eyes to meet his, he was no longer there.

They never see each other again.

Author
Almost Virgin

Ripley’s Believe It or Not

2007-05-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

** Offensive remarks written. If you are not open-minded and you cannot take jokes, please discontinue any readings right at this very moment. Very disturbing images will follow for days to come.

** Please note that this disclaimer states clearly that this story is fictional and I am not talking about you. Bleah!!!!

Justin was a young man living in a small town across our neighboring island. Justin was smart and cute. He may not have the looks that could kill but he looks fine and very nice at heart.

For twenty four years of his life, he belongs to himself and takes care of himself. He lives in a small town where there were countable people around him where everyone knows each other. Women were limited and not pretty. He isn’t gay but he hasn’t been engaged in any sexual form of entertainment in his entire life. He leads a life where only Sally and Lucy will satisfy him. Sally meaning his left hand and Lucy the right.

One faithful day he broke out of his little town and went into a bigger town to explore. His excited feet brought him to a little pub across the street, next to the alley of rats, with a broken sign board. He went in and sat down. He ordered a beer and started looking around.

Women, plenty and plenty of women. They were beautiful, young and seductive. As a roaring man always ready to go, he was excited. Heart pumping so fast, he could have killed himself. His attention diverted when he saw this young lady walking towards him. He died mesmerized.

They started talking and they started laughing. A little bit of alcohol got into both of them and they started really enjoying each other’s company. They started to get a little bit more comfortable.

A little bit of cuddling ignited. The smooching sparked off the flames of passion. Our dear little Justin here got a little naughty and started progressing step by step using his very uncontrollable hands.

His hands rolled up her blouse. There was no restriction.

His hands started going underneath her skirt. There was no restriction.

Her hands started to go into his pants. He definitely gave no restriction.

He decided to pop the question. “Let’s take this somewhere else where it is more comfortable.”

With no restrictions, both of them lifted their horny ideas out of their comfort zone and stepped out together, individually thinking of what to do next.

They got into a motel and hot air rises. The feeling of seduction and sins, consumed by the passion of the forbidden fruit, the devil made them worked for each other. They slowly attempted to fulfill their own selfish fantasies. They attempted to get down and do what they wanted to do.

Things were pretty natural and following the book of ABC, both just followed the flow and things seen pretty alright till……

“Can you?” pointing to his virgin member.

Immediately, getting the signal, and without a second thought, the lady worked her way to it. Like an experienced vacuum cleaner, she proved herself. Justin was on Cloud Nine as he has never experienced such heavenly satisfaction before.

He popped.

He popped like a balloon filled with talcum powder.

He lost it. He totally lost it. He lost it so badly that it almost drained him of more than just semen.

The lady took it in the mouth. Never let go.

Justin could see the overflowing fluid exploding in her mouth as it seeps through the side of the lips, down to her chin.

Justin wanted to get up to plant a kiss on her lips.

*COUGH* *COUGH*

Justin just got a mind blowing face of semen and mucus smack right onto his face.

Apparently, the lady being filled with a mouthful of men product, choked. As it was too much from a virgin boy, she choked and it went straight up the nasal. The total discomfort made her sneeze. Semen and mucus started to shoot right from her nasal area and went straight for Justin’s face.

With a face smeared with his own masterpiece, Justin looked at the lady. He saw two long wriggling thick strands of mucus or semen, dripping from the nose.

They never see each other again.

Author
Almost Virgin

Sex and its Philosophy

2007-05-17T01:20:00.000-07:00

Many people think they know a lot about sex. They think they are able to distinguish good sex and bad sex. They all think that they are that kind of person that will provide good sex. No one will admit that they suck in bed. Suck meaning they are bad in bed and not on how well a person suck.

So are you good in sex?

Sex is something which is not a necessity and more like a luxury item. It carries off well when both parties are willing, rather than a single party satisfaction. Technically, that would be call rape.

Sex depreciates over time, honestly. As humans, we follow certain habits. We do things we deem is right. When sex becomes mechanical and follows a process like a black box, its no longer fun and sensual. You don’t just put it in, and you take it out. Done. Adieus Amigos, Mucho Glacias.

Sex is supposed to be lingering and addictive. It’s passionate by nature and it’s supposed to be sensual.

I strongly believe in exploring. Exploring is not a term exclusive to Marco Polo. We are adventurous. We go trekking and we start walking. We look around, we rest a bit here, a bit there and we explore again. We get tired, we take a break, breathe deeply, sip some water and we move again. Yes true enough, we always end up at one destination. We always end up at the top of the hill. But imagine the beauty of the scenery when you are at the top, metaphorically speaking. If you belong to the kind that likes trekking with a group of people, please remember to call me.

Enough of the trekking.

I believe in owning a person. Only places you have stepped or crossed are then considered owned. Have you seen a dog marking its territory? Same idea, same logic. I am not asking you to pee like a dog all over to mark your territory. Try to cover the territory 100% not with your hands, but with your tongue. Make sure not one single open area is going to be left out and forgotten. Mark that spot and label it yours.

It is an ego issue to a lot of people and I will not talk into the next line of action. I can only say that rhythmic sense is very important. We talk about quality and not quantity. It’s not the number of positions you know that makes the difference. It’s how you use the position to create World War 3.

Making your partner feel comfortable and knowing where to touch is a must. Being in the most uncomfortable and weirdest position that will put Kamasutra to shame is not going to get you a more enjoyable orgasm. Most probably, you will just end up at the Sensei telling him to give you an MC as you just sprained your back. Due to physical restriction, our arms, our hands and our fingers may not be as long as you would prefer it to be. Rearrange the position to get better visibility or you master your perfection in sit and reach before attempting.

So now, frankly, if you are looking for a good and wild time, get the experts in bed. Meaning someone who knows what to do and must be damn experienced. Get those who sleep around.

If you are looking for a small ripple effect instead of a tsunami, get the inexperience virgin boys who do not know how to even put on a condom. I am sure they will be very gentle. Excuse me; virgin boys who watch a lot of porn also belong to this category. As watching and practicing is very different.

Please understand the above is purely personal with no names stated and they are all based on a man versus woman relationship. For man versus man and women versus women, please do read this blog for man versus man, and this blog for women versus women.

My Fantasy

2007-05-16T04:07:00.000-07:00

So many times in our lives, we are lost in ourselves. We are lost in translations and we stand in the middle of crossroads. We take a deep breath and we make a decision.

The Devil lurks in the darkest corner to warn us of lots of things. Temptation is a disease that will infiltrate slowly but critically.

I cannot remember when since I was free from worries, free from stress and free from love at one time in my life and I celebrate in merriment? When was the last time I lived my life for myself to enjoy the moment, without a care, without a single flock of worries slapping on my back?

I miss you.

Have you ever told yourself that you will try, brushing all obstacles aside. Come what may, bring it on. I will face it and I don’t care. Have you ever ignored all consequences and just for one time, one time, tell yourself to love like you never love before. Kiss like it will be the last, and love for one lifetime.

I miss you.

Have you tried falling so deeply for a person that you are scared? Scared that whatever that is going to happen will hurt the other person so bad. Have you had butterflies in your stomach that you can’t eat, you can’t sleep and you can’t work, not until you see the person, hear the person, and you touch the person?

I miss you.

Have you ever had the urge to find all excuses, all ways and all means to make sure that you see the person for at least one day, one hour, one minute, one second. In any event that you have to stand in the middle of the hot sun just to see the person, you will do it.

I miss you.

In your mind, all you have are visions, images, fantasies and it all circles around this person that made you happy. Happy till the extent you will smile like an idiot looking into the sky. You know you need no more any conversations to be created as now actions already means more than words.

I miss you.

Have you ever thought of someone so much that sleep is no longer necessary. Sleep can be forgone in exchange for the person’s company. Food is no longer tempting as there is nothing as tempting as the person sitting in front of you. You will feel no hunger.

I miss you.

Have you ever spend the entire day picturing each and every single moment you have spent together with the person before. You remember and you narrate scene by scene, action by action, and kiss by kiss.

I miss you.

You miss the hugs and kisses and you regretted letting go. You are disgusted in yourself that now nothing is as important as that person in the whole wide world. You disgraced yourself, as you slowly lose your friends, you lose your respect, you lose your dignity and slowly you slide away from the society.

So what is love?

Love is a poison that infiltrates the body and soul. It corrupts the mind and makes you do irrational stuffs. Love is a disease that makes you feel traumatized and makes you cry and laugh uncontrollably.

Love is something you long for but can never get.

Love is just a fantasy that everyone craves but ends up getting hurt.

This is my fantasy.

Author
Almost Virgin

Phantom of the Opera - Think of Me my Dear

2007-05-13T23:49:00.000-07:00

An adaptation of Phantom of the Night - Think of Me

** For those who knows how to sing the song, join me.

Think of me
Think of me fondly
When we say goodbye

Remember me
Remember this feeling
We know that at least we tried

Remember this
My darling remember this
This passion that kept us
Un-di-vide

I will promise you
With my life
That
I’m
XXXYours
XXXXXXXTill
XXXXXXXXXXXI
XXXXXXXXXXXXXDie

Missing you
Missing you so badly
This feeling is so divine

Loving this
Loving this feeling
I’m so happy I can cry

I can’t wait
Oh baby I can’t wait
To see you every day and night

I want to hold you close
And kiss you
And to
Tell
XXXYou
XXXXXXPlease
XXXXXXXXXXXBe
XXXXXXXXXXXXXMine

How Can???

2007-05-10T01:34:00.000-07:00

How Can?

How can you marry or get married to someone unless

1. You have seen your partner pick his/her nose in front of you. At the same time showing a total satisfying look by the tweak of the eyebrow or mouth opened to the max. You win if you say that you stare at it for 15 minutes and you still think him/her looks absolutely gorgeous. You win again if you can take it when he/she puts that damn piece of shit from the nose into the mouth. Get married immediately.

2. You have heard the fart in the room, as loud as the thunder. You have been so accustomed to the fart that distinctly, you can remember the taste and the smell of the fart. You win if you can withstand the explosion underneath the same blanket where you see the up-rise of the fart.

3. You take the snoring like angels singing. You can’t sleep without this musical instrument. It sounds like Rock a Bye Baby, but techno version and maybe you can even salsa to it.

4. You have already experienced the refreshing feel of the face when he/she sneezes right in your face and you enjoyed it like a facial. You win if you would deliberately dash in front of her sight when he/she sneeze in order for you to save on the SK9.

5. You have worn his/her underwear and they are always interchangeable. You win when you wear it to work and you arrogantly say to your colleagues that what you are wearing today is his/hers.

6. You have shaved his/her hair in whichever area before. You go and die if you say you enjoy keeping a collection of these shave hair. Go away from my life. Freak.

7. You are able to enjoy his/her cooking without frowning and without having to visit the loo like ten times a day. If you can take that, you should try Mr Virgin’s cooking one day. You will be my best friend.

8. You have had at least one fight in your course of courtship regardless whether is it over a third party, a piece of toufu or a stupid movie.

9. You are able to tolerate each other parents even though they could have burnt your pants before or tore your most precious dress from Lavili.

10. Finally, only if you love him/her.

The Weirdest Dream

2007-05-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

I had the weirdest dream the other night. I need to reemphasize that it is all a dream. And it is nothing but a dream.

** All names have been edited to protect the parties for being named and to arouse unnecessary arguments or quarrels.

I was with CHIO BU the other night. I guess we were at a chalet and there were tons of people around. DUDE and MEI NU are a couple in real life and they were at the chalet too. SPIDEY and MISSY ??? are a couple too and they were also seen at the chalet.

The night gets darker and the crickets start to mate. The sound of the frogs' croaking gets louder. Apparently many of us were very drunk then.

Out of no where, unexpectedly, MEI NU crept up to me and we started talking. I cannot remember a single thing that we talked about and it does not matter. The important thing is was that single phrase she said, "Can you kiss me?"

It was a simple request and it is not that I am not competent when it comes to kissing. But I just want to make sure that it was not because that she was drunk that she mistook me for DUDE. So I being a good boy said, "But DUDE is there."

She replied. "Just shut the fuck up and kiss me, Bitch!"

With no further question asked, I just succumbed to the temptation as MEI NU was a beauty. And I need to emphasize again that this is a dream.

The kiss was sweet and short, but lingering. I never said anything. I waited.

She opened her eyes and she said, "SPIDEY kisses better."

WHAT!!!!

SUPER DUPER TRIPER QUARIPER CBI.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

FIRST SHE ASKED ME TO KISS HER.
THEN SHE COMMENTED THAT SOME ONE ELSE CAN KISS BETTER THAN ME. FURTHERMORE, THAT MAN HAPPENED TO BE NOT HER BOYFRIEND.

WAH KAOZ

I woke up in cold sweat. What a weird and happening dream I had. Must be because the damn air con is spoilt, if not why am I sweating so much?

** The stupid blogger is not working. Damn it.

Blogger is so irritating

2007-05-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

I cannot post. Damn it.

Rememorate

2007-05-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

As a poetic writer, I do not wish to see my gems be towed into the grave. As I don't usually blog on weekends, I would like to take this opportunity to rememorate some of the posts I have written before. Please do check them out.

My favorite has always been - Little Johnny

Thinking Of You

Poems On Friends Again

Poems On Friends

Never Meant to Be

Just Lie to Me

To Say to You

人生是可以更美好的

Yippee Aye Aye

3 Days and 2 Nights

Only You

Issey Miyake

Little Johnny

DO-RE-ME

The Devil's Reject

I used to have a Dick

The Love of My Life

Have a great weekend and for now, signing off

Almost Virgin

Thinking of You by JORINA

2007-05-04T01:07:00.000-07:00

Thinking Of You

Roses are Red
And some Diamonds are Blue
When I write a poem
I will think of you

You are so special
Comparable to few
I think you should know
I'm falling for you

Maybe it will happen
No one would ever know
I am enjoying the moment
And I hope it will never go

The warm breath
that tickles my heart
The adoring words
that excites my ears

The lovely smell
that tease my senses
For others will never know
The joy in thinking of you

All I dream is to

Capture your heart

Let us be together

And never be apart

Thinking of you

Instill me the will

For I promise

I will love you still

Some secrets you will never know
Some secrets you will never hear
Some secrets that will reside in my heart
Secret such as
“I Am Thinking Of You”

Author

Jorina

Man Marries Goat

2007-05-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Sources from

BBC - Man marries Goat

Natural Erection

2007-05-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

There's a cool spider in Brazil. Its venom gives male victims hours-long erections.

How cool is that?

Click here to read all about it

"The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort," said study team member Romulo Leite of the Medical College of Georgia, presumably speaking only about male bite victims. "We're hoping eventually this will end up in the development of real drugs for the treatment of erectile dysfunction."

Apparently the spider's venom is not potent.

Imagine.

If I can order a jar of those spiders over the Internet and I milk the venom from the spiders. Then slip that venom into an unsuspecting victim's drink. Viola.

E.g.

Dino before he dance
Virgin before he bachata
Dilbert before he attempts to fly his kite
Jeremy before he does his Limbo Rock
etc etc

Author
Dilbert

Dude you owe me one "good time" for this post. And another "good time" for the web space. So now you owe me two "good times".

Poems On Friends Again

2007-05-03T03:42:00.000-07:00

I have a kawan named Dino
Who digs on Cappuccino
He thinks he is a Casanova
Who drives the space ship in Supernova

His boyfriend is called Jeremy
Who has humongous Twa Liap Nee
On the first look it may seem like fake jelly
Until you touch it you know it’s heavenly

His pal is named Lorraine
Who has a very difficult name
But she has a sexy body
That can easily make men go crazy

Her lesbian partner is call Karen
Whose temper is like a lion
She loves to eat onion
And that’s why her breath is so brilliant

Her partner is so sweet
Just like a tender piece of meat
By the way, his name is Virgin
Who always has a very seductive grin

Virgin has a friend name JP
Who hates to make his way to JB
He rather stay in Singapore
And feast on the food galore

His friend is named Dilbert
Who loves to play on his Ku Ku Bird
He always dream of making it fly
To infinity and beyond and into the sky

And not to forget that JP has a baby
Whose name is Audrey and she is damn bitchy
She is the best sample of a woman’s scorn
And she can make you wish that you were never born

And not to forget a good friend Don
Who loves to go Kallang to catch free prawns
Using his Xiao Qiang as the bait
While he finds a partner and starts to mate

And that’s about it, at least for today
Here are some friends who can always make my day
The list does not end here, it wouldn’t be right
I will continue another day as it is no longer bright

I will rest my case and say good night.

Author
Almost Virgin

Poems On Friends

2007-05-02T23:14:00.000-07:00

I have a friend and her name is Erica
She was born in 1979 in a hospital call Tekka
She dances like a Si Gi Na
But at least she drives a Mazda

She has a friend and her name is Corina
Who likes to drink daily with her lime in the Corona
She looks definitely better than a Tota
Especially when she starts to sip on her Margarita

She has a “Bro” whose name is Luke
One seeing him no one would need to puke
Because he is so damn cute
And he stands on the dance floor like a dashing Duke

Luke dances with a partner whose name is Lily
And she definitely smells better than my Kitty
I seriously consider it is such a pity
Because I think she is definitely more witty than her being pretty

And she has a friend whose name is Johnny
Who is so sociable that no one would feel lonely
No one knows his hobby is to eat Hokkien Mee
With extra Tau Gei and Mai Hiam please

Johnny has a good friend whose name is Boon
Who always dances like an arrogant Goon
His hobby is to look at the moon
And to lick on a spoon while flying his balloon

He has a girlfriend named Daphne
Who has a good figure and she is damn funny
She is a sweet lady with beautiful eyes
Although sometimes she can be as cold as an ice

Here comes her friend and her name is Jo
Who can be crazy sometimes and laughs like a crow
She can be your friend and not your foe
If not she can whip you till your Di Di cannot grow

If you don’t believe what I say of Jo
You can ask Chuan Ge and he will ask you to lie low
Chuan Ge comes in a shirt with a nicely wrapped bow
And he greets people with the word “Siao Bo”

And that’s about it, at least for today
Here are some friends who can always make my day
The list does not end here, it wouldn’t be right
I will continue another day as it is no longer bright

I will rest my case and say good night.

Author
Almost Virgin

The deadly weapons

2007-05-02T02:17:00.001-07:00

** I must emphasize that the following was all based on imagination and not by experience.

The perfect weapon for a quarrel lies in our everyday life. Man and women quarrel a lot. They quarrel about money, time, love, sex and very much more. Man and man quarrels a lot too. Nevertheless, woman and woman fights a lot but it is always an eye candy to see.

To use the perfect weapon in a perfect scenario gives a different effect.

A Glass of Water

The easiest, most accessible weapon, which could be effortlessly, obtained anywhere. It usually gives a splashing result and adds a cooling effect to the face or pelvis area, depending on where the splash was aimed at.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when your man initiates a break up

The Shoes

A deadly weapon at its best. To be aimed at a 45 degrees towards the temple area. To incur heavier damage, aim the pointed heels towards the target.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when your man kills your pet

The Table

The table, ooooo, the table. Best used when there is food on the table. Able to attract tons of attention and provides the best musical interpretation of breaking plates and glasses.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man spend the night not at home and not alone.

The Hand

Only when aimed at the perfect spot, will then give total redness to the skin and loud “bang” to the audience. Be prepared to suffer from serious pain to the palm of the hand. Always be smart enough to wear gloves. Self protection.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man kissed your best friend

The Spit

Whoever experienced from the spit will suffer life long trauma. A simple gesture from the mouth goes a long way. Preferred to accompany with tons and tons of garlic or with a load of mucus together. If targeted properly, able to blind the eye and cause serious damage.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man became gay.

Life is Not Equal

2007-04-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

We live a life where we want to have equality. We dig sexist remarks and we expect things to be partial every time.

For certain things there are exception, and we know it and we cannot complain.

[Female Colleague] “Boss, I am having a very bad PMS today. The flow is terrible; I don’t think I can make it into office.”

[Boss] “No problem. Take care of yourself. If it gets too bad, go see a doctor.”

And who do we blame for men not having period?

[Almost Virgin] “Boss, I am having PMS today. I feel horrible; I don’t think I can make it into office.”

[Boss] “Eh, you crazy issit? If you don’t come, then I WILL have PMS and then I WILL make sure YOU understand the true meaning of horrible.”

Equality? My foot!

Why does woman get the wholesome rights to wear pink? Woman should not have the distributorship to own the color pink. Pink should be deemed as unisex and it is deemed as unisex. Why do people consider pink to be sweet and demure?

Why do people go “Eeeeeeeeee” when I wear pink? Why do people say I look damn gay when I wear pink? Why to people think that I am a homo when I wear pink. Why would Corina ask me to check out that beefy piece of meatball when he is not handsome at all? Why the hell would people think I am gay? I am not Dino.

Equality holds when both parties have no idea what it means.

No one would ever know whether it is more painful getting kicked in the balls? Or is it more painful giving birth to babies. I mean no one would really ever know.

Equality will never hold.

A woman gets touched by a man and she screams “Molest!”

A man gets touched by a woman and he yells “Shiok Man!”

---------------------Girls------------------
--------------are like apples---------------
----------on trees.The best ones------------
--------are at the top of the tree.---------
------The boys dont want to reach-----------
-----for the good ones because they---------
----r afraid of falling and getting hurt.---
----Instead, they get the rotten apples-----
---from the ground that arent as good,------
---but easy. So the apples up top think ----
---something wrong with them when in -------
----reality they're amazing. They just------
------have to wait for the right boy -------
-------to come along, the one who's---------
--------------brave enough to---------------
-----------------climb all------------------
------------------the way-------------------
-----------------to the top-----------------
----------------of the tree-----------------

by SOME GIRL

--------------------Girls-------------------
-------------believe that they -------------
------- are the apples at the top of -------
------the tree. They always think that -----
-----they are so high up and they are the --
---best. These apples can wait. They will --
---wait until they become rotten and then --
----they fall onto the ground. Ants and –---
-----Cockroaches will come and eat them –---
------up and then they realized they -------
----------should have been grown -----------
-------------shorter so that at ------------
-----------------least someone -------------
------------------would have ---------------
------------------gotten them --------------
------------------rather than --------------
-----------------to be wasted --------------
----------------by some insects-------------

by ALMOST VIRGIN

Chronicles of Salsa

2007-04-26T02:07:00.001-07:00

I had a dream last night. Dino appeared in my dreams and he asked me to blog about this. “With greater powers, you bear greater responsibilities.” he said.

I awakened and the first thing I checked was whether I wet my bed. Thank god.

I picked up my pen and here goes.

------------------------------------------------

I had been dancing Salsa for close to 20 months now. In fact, I had been learning Salsa for 1 year, 7 months, 6 days, 5 hours and 43 minutes and 21 seconds already. I can say I am still learning and I love it.

How to dance Salsa? It’s pretty easy.

First you tap your left feet and then you step out your left feet. Step on the spot with your right feet and take back your left feet. Do the exact replica starting with your right feet.

Ta da! Isn’t it a miracle! Now you can Salsa too.

So everybody does Salsa. Everybody can Salsa. Everybody loves Salsa.

There are tons of extreme Salsa fanatics around, beginning with me, but we might not be the best Salsa dancers. Do you have what it takes to be a good Salsa dancer?

Rule Number One – Smile.

Are you able to give a million dollar smile in every dance to everyone? The radiance to be displayed decorates the perfect dance. Look at the first-class dancers around, Jackson, Gary, Boon Cheong, Tze Yi, Biao Da, Yi Chuan. They all have one thing in common, they give a smile so beautiful when they dance, no girl would reject. Apparently, tons of girls would line up to dance with them. Partially because they are top-notch dancers, but also because these dancers are able to portray a form of comforting, relaxed and fun ambience to a dance.

Are you smiling now?

Rule Number Two – Smile. Not Laugh, but Smile.

You do not need to act like an idiot laughing like a monkey through out the dance. You will freak the lady out.

We are dancers. We are man. We are human. We do not behave like monkeys on the dance floor. Know your own comfort zone to understand how much personality you should display in a dance.

I understand that there are some men out there who believe in seeing the lady smile. They will do anything to make the lady smile. They believe that once the lady smile, they would have scored with the ladies.

Understand this thin fine line of smirk and smile. Some people are able to attain the highest level of sarcasm where they phrase their smirk like a smile. The rest are just plain stupid to understand what a smirk is.

Back to where I started, men would do anything to make the woman smile. They put dumb ass stickers on their ass so when they make a right turn, the dance partner can see an A4 size picture on his butt saying “Kick Me”. Some men signal the victory sign whenever they dip a girl. Some men just gave up all hope and goes to tickle the girl at the waist, ears or even armpit. Some even go on to touch the partner’s beard.

I mean strange things happen on the dance floor. It is just whether we see it.

Rule Number Three – Protection

In all circumstances, we need to protect our partners. Even if it means we go down head first, we go down head first. But c’mon, we can always use our ass. It is less painful that way.

I remember I once danced with a girl and the girl landed with her butt on the floor. I mean it is embarrassing for her and also for me. I never see her again for at least a month. She is back dancing and I thank god.

What actually happened?

I wasn’t doing a difficult move, I was just doing the simple “Normanda”, but apparently, I think she didn’t catch it. So it was a big screw up and I think she tripped over my leg and she was dropping further away from me. She was about to hit this gorgeous girl standing by the side, so I summoned the strength of Hercules and I pulled her back. Maybe I used too much strength and her whole body flung towards me and that’s how the both of us sat butt first on the floor. So I screwed up, but the point is I protected two ladies from probably suffering serious skull fracture. I protected the gorgeous looker from being pin balled by a fellow dancer. I protected the fellow dancer from flying to a spot further than the end of a rainbow.

A dancer would feel safe if the man watches out for her. Trust is built.

Rule Number Four – Beat and Timing

Remember, we do not beat the time. We stay on time and we stay on beat. Do not get all panicky and go all timing crazy. Feel and listen to the music. You dance like choo choo train; all the girls will run like choo choo train.

Listen well and you will be fine.

Rule Number Five – Musicality

Ah ha, you can see that now things are getting harder.

To a lot of people, they often ask me, how to be built up on musicality?

Majority, people will say that you listen to the music more often and they will naturally get into you. I say, first you got to love what you are doing. Secondly, you got to love the music that you are doing. Although most of the time, we don’t know a single crap what the singers are singing. But we can listen and we can feel. We are able to distinguish what a slow songs sounds like and how a fast song sounds like.

Personally, I feel that on the basis that I have no idea what the song means, it all leans down to my own interpretation of my music. My music.

We listen to the up beats and we listen to the accent. Some songs have certain sustain which are very obvious. These parts go long and they drag long. We use these as advantage.

Some songs have certain pause, certain breaks. We use these parts to stop and freeze, chill take a deep breath, smell her perfume and the dance goes on.

Musicality? Can’t buy that from 7-Eleven.

Rule Number Six – Dance Partner

My mentor once said to me while imparting his words of wisdom.

“We need to dance with everyone. Every lady partner that we dance with is a different form of experience. Based on the entire same set of moves to the same song, but with a different partner gives you a whole new experience every time. If you only dance with the good dancers, or if you only dance with the same person over and over again, you are the one losing out. Only immaturity would think that beginners are not good dancers. There is a dancer in everyone.”

Rule Number Seven – Practice

I had a friend, a teacher, a confidante. It took him four years to perfect a so call “perfect” body roll.

I have a teacher and I was told that he spent four hours a day to do four things. Shoulder isolation, chest isolation, hip isolation and how to stand on his hands.

To master a basic step sounds simple. People dances basic differently. A very sound and solid foundation will go a very long way. I realize this recently and every day I am practicing my basic steps. I finally realize it is only correct when the correct sets of muscles are being triggered.

Basic, 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7.

Being able to count is one thing. Doing it is another.

Do you dance your basics in a straight line? Get out of this line and make a set of basics your own.

Rule Number Eight – Fun Factor

Most importantly, we as a social dancer need to have fun. If it is always so serious, you might as well go and learn how to play chess. If everything locked in your brain is to use all the styling you learned during class, that will be too stressful. If all you can think about is on how people will look at you, that will be too boring.

Loosen up and have fun with me tonight.

Rule Number Nine - ?????
For you to understand and for you to find out.

Never Meant To Be by Johnny

2007-04-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

I had been writing this for the last three days
To fully understand what the soothsayer says
I finally realized we are never meant to be
On the day when you sympathetically said it’s not me

I dedicate this poem to the person who made me see
If not for she, I will never know the importance of me

Never meant to be

Am I a rose meant to whither
Was I born a duck to be a swan
Do miracles only happen in fairytale
Does faith only belong to those who believe

Is it a fact that it was never meant to be
Or was it a fiction that only I believed
People change in a blink of an eye
Seasons change without saying goodbye

I know she stung me like a bee
I can only blame my own stupidity
I know she left me hurt and lost
But I promised myself forever I will stay strong

I do I know I still believe
That someday, someone will come and rescue me
Till that day comes I will no longer be on my knees
Because I know between us it’s never meant to be

Author
Johnny Kwek

Just Lie to Me by Jeremy

2007-04-23T20:24:00.000-07:00

Just lie to Me

Come close again to me just one more time
lay with me and feel the warmth of the sunshine
Tell me that you love me and there is only me
tell me that you really believe in destiny
Say the words I want to hear with sincerity
Just for a few hours, please just lie to me

Pull me down upon you yet again as you close your eyes
let it be me that you only think of during your passionate cries
tell me I’m the only lover you think of when you’re alone
and it’s my voice that you always miss when we hang up the phone
Tell me you love me and that we were always meant to be
with the lips that I always yearn for, just please lie to me

Please lie to me for just the closeness of the moment
Please lie to me for the comfort of this lonely heart
So just what is truth and what is fiction
what’s wrong with just wanting a moment to be perfect
Why feel guilty at that instant when it feels so good
when there could be some half truth to everything said

Belief is what we choose to put our faith in
and at one time I believed that you could feel as I now do
Words once spoken that I thought could be true I still hear
and it’s those very things that were said I still hold dear
Maybe they don’t hold a lot of meaning to you as they do me
but it’s just for a brief moment in time, so please ……

Lie to me

Author
Jeremy

My Cyborg Name

2007-04-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

Get Your Cyborg Name

Get Your Sexy Name

Got this link from Miss Beh and my boyfriend's blog.

So damn cool!!!

Tribute To Joeng - Chapter Two

2007-04-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

** Dedicated to Jonie

想说给你听 To say to you

有好多话藏在心里想说给你听 Words to empty fills thy heart
选择琐在你心房外 Locked out from thou like a standing guard
不想再拉扯 I could no longer ever pull you close
幸福已远离 As I know you have just left like the petals from a rose

在无数梦里总会惊醒 In my numerous dreams I was alarmed
很想伸手握住你 As thou hands always seems so near yet so far
你却已离我远去 Reality struck that you are gone
除了眼泪 With my tears, I watch you go
我安静地看你离去 I turn around and decided its time to let go

想说给你听 I wanted to say to you
很怕失去你 I cannot picture myself losing you
趁我醒来前 So before I wake up from this dream I had
我只能用时间来惦记 All I can do is to use this time to rememberate
“我爱你” 这句话变成了秘密 The secret to saying "I Love You"

Tribute to Joeng - Chapter One

2007-04-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Ever since you walk away, I cannot stop thinking about it and I decided to take up my pen and put it down into words.

Do I want a simple woman or a woman who pretends to be simple?

I will probably be irrational when it comes down to this theory but I will draw the list first in order to obtain a clearer understanding.

A woman is the most complicated creature in history.

A simple woman list is never easy to catalog.

How do we define simple?

Dresses in one-colored clothing all the time
Has a general preference of black and white
Straight hair
Listens to Capital 95.8
Daily Curfew of 10pm
Sleeps at twelve midnight
Bathes twice a day
A definite must to have milk for breakfast
Calls boyfriend by the name and the name only
Only had one boyfriend in her last 26 years

Is this simple?

What if all the above was a sham?

The reason of it all was to……

Dress in black to kill
Has a general preference of not wearing anything underneath the black and white
The darned rebounded hair was priced at $450 bucks by David Gan
Tiu Tiu Tiu to 91.3 during the witchy hour
Daily Curfew of 10pm for Boyfriend A and the party starts at home with Boyfriend B-Z
Sleeps at twelve in order to look revitalize everyday for everyone else
Bathes twice a day, at least once not alone
(What can I say? Milk is good)
This is the perfect crime. Calling names makes her less slutty as compared to calling Honey, Baby, SugarCane, CareBear, HollandV
Only one boyfriend? Only she would know

The précis of it all is that.

Men don’t care. As long as you look simple to me, go ahead with anything else. You can be whatever you want, as long as I don’t know. Even if you need to save the world at night, do so. As long as you make me my mango desert for my breakfast, I will always be yours.

人生是可以更美好的！

2007-04-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

人生能过的平平旦旦是一种容性。
人生能过的自由自在是一种可望。
人生能爱的轰轰烈烈是一种性副。

为和我不能？

为和我的人生需要比别人更怒力？
为和我的人生需要比别人更新苦？
为和我的爱情路比别人的更痛苦？

为舍么？为舍么？

天啊！我要自油！我要性副！我要！

街边小猫都有人疼，为和没人可连我呢？
这么说我也是个人啊！

我妈她不疼我，
我爸他时常打我。
我同事狠我，
我老班准备裁我。
我朋友讨厌我，
出门中是不叫我。
小朋有妻副我，
我爱的女人不打给我。

我还是死了算了。

人生不如易见多不怪
要改变起能在一日之间。

我决定了。

我会疼我妈，打我爸。
我会换班同事，裁我老班。

我不会打给我的朋友，我会留在家里。
我会开是妻副小朋有，我会打我爱的女人。

人生开是变得有眼色了！

** I rate this the most ridiculous thing I have ever written. Nothing beats this. Two thumbs up!

Prelude by Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura

2007-04-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

** Please pardon the language as I wrote this with my boss standing next to me. How can I work properly when my boss keep chit chatting with me?

Before we learn to pick up a girl, we have to determine what kind of girl you are more attracted to. It is quite complexed actually and very often the categories intersects. So what we need to elaborate deeply is on which kind of ladies will pull the greater form of magnetism on you.
Let’s start categorising.

Drop dead Gorgeous:You see all eyes following her as she waddles across the room. Her figure in the shape of an hour glass, or maybe even better. You can smell her five metres away and she swooned your breath away. She has the body even the devil yearns for and a face prettier than an angel.

Rational: You know that competition is going to be stiff. You have to give it a really good fight to win this lady over. She is so pretty that all men are willing to die for her. You don’t even know whether she would even bother to look at you. She is way up there and you know you are way down there. Maybe her boyfriend drives a SLK? Maybe she has a sugar daddy now? Maybe everything about her is not real. Maybe she is just a perfect transvetite with a very successful operation. Maybe…… and the list goes on. Most of the time, when the women are too beautiful, it scares the men away.

Classy:She walks in style and she behaves very well in circumstances. She observes her personal gestures and every single movements are well kept in her mind. She portrays a form of appeal that attracts men to want them. Intelligence rather than bimbotic behaviours comes with class. Their hair is neat and they can make intellgent conversation.

Rational: This women are classy which means they require very high maintenance. Their classiness was not learn over night. Probably they have been to more posh functions that you have been to Yoshinoya. They know when to engage in what kind of conversation to attract you. Which means they know when to push you off the cliff to see you rot and die. These women are dangerous and deadly. If danger is your middlename, you would love this.

Witty:A social animal by nature, smile very often and easily make friends in a second. Usually possess a very warm smile and was born with a talent of speaking more than the rest. She is partially involved with up to date world topics but equipped with tons of gossips and latest celebrity news. Such woman has an innate ability to understand the corniest, coldest and stupidest jokes within a flash. Able to recreate stories and humour almost instantly.

Rational: Such women are the best to be around. They usually keep you occupied by sprouting tons of nonsense that could bring a smile to your face. They make good friends and usually able to talk about almost everything under the sun. They can talk about sex without demonstrating, they could bitch about the man that you know did not even exist. They could blabber about how their period is making them fat. But all of us will need to know a very significant point, God is fair and usually a compromise must be balanced between wittiness and prettiness.

Bitchy:Such women bitches about everything. Bitchy women does not mean that they display any form of symbolic similarities to woof woof, but rather bitchy women tend to complain about everything that they can or cannot find fault with. They complain about the people, their hair, their tables and even the temperature in the room.

Rational: Definitely not in the ‘A’ category of people to get along with. Makes us stand on our toes most of the time. We can never let our guard down just in case we step over their tails and we start becoming the target board of their shooting practce. They feel that everything seems to go against them right from the start they got out of their bed in the morning. It takes a lot of patience and very sensitive men to be around such women who owns such unique characteristics.

Bimbotic“Are my breast too big?” “That is such a lovely LV bag, what brand is it?” These are the typical questions you get from a Bimbo. They are very entertaining creatures which a pinch of imbecile character hovering above them all the time. They are pretty but very simple.

Rational: You cannot blame them as they think with their boobs. Those are their radar detector to sense when the rain is coming. They do not think too much and they shoot almost instantly the first thought that comes into mind. They always thought they have sixth sense. Getting the cutest guy on the dancefloor is always the most important thing that is in their mind. They are a super blower.

Sweet and Sensitive: These are the girl next door calibre. They look sweet and demure, usually very quiet. They lead a simple life and they stay with their parents ever since they were born. They only have like one boyfriend in their life ever, and they broke up with the boyfriends after a four year relationship.

Rational: Grab such a woman and make them your wife if all you need is a simple life.

Lian-ish“T-E-C-N-O techno techno. TIU TIU TIU TIU TIU TIU. Simi Dai Ji??” Do you have friends that sound like that? “Yoz manz!!! You Ho Bo?” they will yell. These are super ultra friendly creature who digs many many into becoming the lians of the lians.

Rational: OMG!!

Show me a woman that

Is classy yet appealing
Has a face of an angel
Open minded and aggressive
Humorous
Caring and sensitive
Supportive
English speaking
Ambitious

Anytime. Anytime.

Who loves a DARING MAN?

2007-04-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

I can tell you that I am a daring man. Please do not close your browser. Please read on to know the story.

Basically I have just moved my office to a small part of Chinatown. I wanted to get a hair cut as I have a presentation tomorrow so I decided to find the one nearest to my office.

Coincidentally, there is a famous saloon which is like ten meters away from my office. But the catch is that it is a training academy for the infamous brand. I looked at the price and to my astonishment, to have a hair cut; it only costs five freaking dollars.

Due to my overwhelming work schedule, I needed a hair cut the fastest way in the shortest amount of time and I still need to look good. But now since time is not on my side, I guess what the heck, I will give it a try.

So I went in and I got out feeling miserable and I cannot stop myself from cursing.

This is what went wrong.

NO ONE, I say NO ONE washes the hair for one hour. You scratch and scratch my hair with that menthol taste on my head; I cannot feel my head no more after thirty minutes.
NEVER, I say NEVER comb MY hair with your comb and starts thinking of what to do. Meanwhile using the same comb to comb YOUR own hair. NEVER. Not forgivable.
YOU DO NOT CUT YOUR OWN FINGERS WHEN YOU CUT MY HAIR.

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura!!! This means Ka-Ni-Na.

Have you ever felt cold?

2007-04-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

How many often have you felt cold in your life? Have you ever felt so cold before that we heck the entire world and you realised that you don’t care anymore? Have you felt so cold before that you feel restless and you live your life like a zombie? You try to be happy and do your utmost best to please no one else but yourself. You try to conceal your feelings in a box and slowly the box expands and expands and expand. BOOM it explodes.

You feel so cold that your body is shivering. Your legs are shaking and your balls and shrinking. The piercing pain tickles every piece of tissue in your body. Your bones are in such ordeal that you have the thought of crushing them. You are so cold that you could not even straighten your fingers. You could not feel your nose, you could not feel your ears.

So what would you do?

I would.

Slowly lift up your hands, place your hands underneath your armpit. Do you feel warm now?

Have you found your armpit?

I have.

How far is your Limit?

2007-04-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

Actually life is very simple. It is just the surroundings and the human nature that makes it so complicated.

Why do we give up on a lot of things? Sometimes we give up without trying. Sometimes we give up without even fighting. Some obstacles that come before us frighten us. We get startled and we forgot on why we even started doing on what we wanted to do. We get pulled back and we decided that we cannot do it and we just decide to give it up.

We are stretchable. We can be pushed to our limits and our limits are boundless. We will never know what we are born to achieve and we can never know how far we can reach. We will never know unless we try.

There are so many chances and opportunities out there that are just waiting for us to reap and sow. If we just confine ourselves to our own space and in our own box, we will never make it out there. We will need to prove to ourselves and eventually prove to others that we are not pushovers. We will one-day stand so high up that they will look like a little dot to us and they will be dependent on our shadows to give them shelter.

Let’s do a little interaction.

You straighten both your hands and reach towards the monitor in front of you. You stretch to your limit with both hands until you cannot stretch any further. Now make sure your fingertips touch the monitor. Move back by a centimetre so that now your fingers are a centimetre away from the monitor. Put down your left hand. And now you stretch again with your right hand. Can you touch the monitor now?

Life is more or less about the same theory. Open your mind and believe.

Yippee Aye Aye

2007-04-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Oh my Baby
Can I make you mine
Oh my Baby
Damn, you look so fine
Oh my Baby
You’re the sweetest Baby
You’re the cutest Baby
I will make you mine

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Oh my Baby
Try to close your eyes
Oh my Baby
Peeping is not nice
Oh my Baby
You’re so sexy Baby
You’re so pretty Baby
I will make you high

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Oh my Baby
Your tits are so defined
Oh my Baby
Can I take my time
Oh my Baby
Let me feel your body
Rub it all with honey
I will take my time

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Oh my Baby
I think its about time
Oh my Baby
Let me ease my mind
Oh my Baby
You drive me so crazy
I think I am cumming shortly
Sorry I came twice

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Oh my Baby
You fill my heart with light
Oh my Baby
You’re the phantom of my night
You came slowly
Steal my heart so quickly
Make me think so deeply
I want again tonight

(A black man with an Afro Hairstyle in a Mambo outfit walks in and starts singing)

When I was just a little boy
I asked my girlfriend
Tonight can I be
Will I still be a virgin
Will I lose my chastity
This is what she said to me

Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye

Yes my Baby
I’ll be yours tonight
Yes my Baby
You treat me so damn nice
Yes my Baby
You are just so naughty
You are just so witty
I’ll scream your name tonight

(Chorus)
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye (Yippee Aye)
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye (Yippee Aye)
Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye Aye
Yippee Yippee Aye (Yippee Aye)

Oh my Baby,
Its time to make it right
Oh my Baby
I will never make you cry
Oh my Baby
Will you be my Baby
My one and only Baby
Will you be my wife

Repeat Chorus 12 times

Author
Johnny Kwek

Work your Brain

2007-04-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

If God gave fishes wings to fly, do you think fishes would still swim in the sea?

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Final Chapter

2007-04-09T04:14:00.000-07:00

** Please start reading from Chapter One if this is your first time reading this. Click here to begin your expedition with Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, this will be the last Chapter of Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

I take each step with such weariness. My body is heavy and so is my brain. I only yearn for happiness but this pursuit seems forever. I spent a lifetime looking for someone special. And yet in front of me stood someone so unique and so different from the rest, I actually let her go. If there is a medicine that could cure me, I would spent my entire fortune on the pills just to make sure I was happy just like the way I was happy. I do not want myself to be happier. I only wanted to make sure that she stays happy. I only have eighty years to live my life; I do not want to spend the rest of my life regretting.

When I was young, my folks used to tell me a tale.

Ali Baba had a brother and his name was Ali Babu Seng. Babu Seng found a lamb and the lamb was actually a deity in disguise.

"For your sacrifice of not having mutton soup tonight, I will grant you three wishes", said the deity to Babu Seng.

"I want to have a very big plot of land so that I can make a lot of money" Babu Seng said.

"You wish is granted." The deity replied.

So Babu Seng owns a big plot of land and him and his wife slog hard. They grew everything that’s possible and soon they make a small sum of money. They spent everyday working together and the wife was enjoying the fruits of their labour.

Seeing the wife work so hard without complaining, it hurts Babu Seng that he cannot provide a better life for his wife. Seeing his wife’s hands getting rougher each day, it hurts him too much.

He decided to go back to the Deity.

"I want to be a rich business man with a big house so that my wife would not have to slog anymore." Babu Seng said.

"You wish is granted." The deity replied.

So Babu Seng became a rich businessman and his business gets bigger and bigger and his house became bigger and bigger.

Babu Seng was getting richer and richer but he ends up so much busier than before due to his business and slowly he neglects the wife. The poor wife living alone in the house gets lonelier and lonelier.

On her deathbed, the wife finally gets to see Babu Seng for the last time. She told him.

"Dear husband, I am happy that you have become so capable and so successful. I am sorry that I have to leave you now but I always hope that you will be happy. I have never regretted marrying you and you have once given me the happiest time of my life when you rubbed my hand every night after each day in the fields. I thank you." And saying these words, she left.

Babu Seng was heart broken and he realised he was the one who caused his wife to die in loneliness. He rushed back to find the Deity. "I need my final wish!"

"So what is it this time. You are now rich and powerful. You own the biggest plot of land any man could ever crave for. You are already the richest man in history", said the Deity.

"I want my wife back and I want her to be happy", said Babu Seng.

The Deity said, "Sorry one wish at a time. So do you want your wife back or do you want her to be happy."

Babu Seng thought hard and he did not know what to say. What would you do?

When my mum told me this when I was eight years old, I said I would ask the Deity for 3 more wishes.

When my mum told me this when I was eighteen years old, I said I would have asked the Deity to make me rich and powerful in my first wish.

When my mum told me this when I was twenty-eight years old, I said I would have asked to go back to my life when my wife spent the happiest moment of her life.

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

** This is the final chapter. We have gone through the beginning, the middle and the end. Now its time for you to start a chapter of your own and live your life the way you want it to be.

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Chapter Four

2007-04-09T04:12:00.000-07:00

** Please start reading from Chapter One if this is your first time reading this. Click here to begin your expedition with Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, welcome back to another Chapter of Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

We are done with the woman’s side of the story and let’s continue with what a man needs and wants.

Every man yearns for a perfect relationship where the partner is docile, understanding and provides good sex. But too bad they are not living in Never Ever Land.

They slog like a dog to make ends meet. They degrade their ego to please their colleagues and bosses. They squeeze their brain juices to the max so that they can make their spouses feel loved each and every day that they live. And when they reach home, they quarrel with the person that sleeps right beside them.

No one would ever want that kind of sad ending. Man wants to go back home and give his wife a hug and tell him he loves her everyday while he shares his happiness and sadness. Man wants a wife, a partner who is willing to share his happiness and sadness. Man does not want someone who is only willing to share his happiness. Man does not want someone who creates his sadness.

In a relationship, there is bound to be ups and downs. A man is not stupid. A man is just simple. A man is just a simple man who works, sleeps, shits and makes love. This is the life of an ordinary man. What differentiates him from the rest? The crunch of it all is the people around him.

Men are just robots without feelings. So what constitutes his emotions. It is the people around him. We are the people that make him laugh, make him sad and make him smile. Men tend to be themselves when they dig around their own species. They laugh loud and hard, they dig their noses in public, and they fart in public. They are able to be themselves when they are hanging out with their own kind. There is no restraint, no constraint, no pretence, and there is just themselves being themselves.

There are secrets among men that no women should ever know or should even be involved in a discussion. Men talk about their penis, they talk about their performance in bed and they talk about sex. They discuss on sex positions and they laugh at the weirdest woman in the room.

Men’s attention span is pretty short. You could blabber on about the most exciting show that you ever watch but men will be easily swoon away by the loosely dressed girl that waddles across the room. Men is pretty dump or stupid whichever way you put it as men are only interested to make things work for them rather than to make more problems for themselves.

"What’s done cannot be undone. So why not we look forward into solving the case rather than to dig into why did the case happen?" Does this ring a bell? Have you heard this somewhere before?

Men hate to argue and they hate to quarrel. In order for that not to happen, they usually run away or to give in. Things are usually that simple. But when they run away too often, they get bored of running and they decide not to run anymore. They give in too much till the level where their friends despise them and they begin to despise themselves.

Basically men are not complicated creatures. All they think about is women, generally. I am sure there are others who think about how to make bombs, crash the twin towers, or even think about how to make the Great Wall disappear. But the rest, they think about women all the time. Probably you did not know but the porn industry is a multi-million industry.

Men always claim that they themselves have the best taste in women. They think they know everything about women. Their ego comes in and they think they can get every woman. Their confidences rise and they begin to sleep with all the women.

Everyday in their brain they plot the most mystical way to get their girlfriend into bed. Everyday they ensure themselves that they are the best lovers in bed. Everyday, they wished they could get that girl into bed.

Simple? It is that simple.

Discovery Channel should have an episode on men.

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

Stay tune for the Final Chapter

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Chapter Three

2007-04-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

** Please start reading from Chapter One if this is your first time reading this. Click here to begin your expedition with Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, its yet another new Chapter of Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

Today let’s explore on the needs and wants of a man versus the needs and wants of a woman.

Let’s start today’s class with what does a woman need and what does she wants?

This is a inevitable question that accounts in every relationship. If a man knows exactly what his partner wants and is able to do so, many occasions, a simple relationship will never turn sour. If a man knows exactly what her partner needs, so many things could be sacrificed and re-prioritised to evade a quarrel or a fight from happening.

The deadly question, what does a woman need? Does she needs lots and lots of tender loving care, attention, love and time? Does she need a man to have his shoulder to cry on? Does she need a man to stroke her to sleep every night? Or does she need a man?

So now what does a woman wants? Does a woman wants a man who listens to every single thing he says? Does a woman wants a man to be with her 24 7? Does a woman wants a man?
It bothers me when a friend of mine said that he is not comparable to a dog. I cannot dig that from a friend. If what a woman needs is some guy that wags his tail when she is happy and keeps quiet when she is angry, this does not constitute to a relationship.

If what a woman wants is someone who is always there for her to make her happy and always there for her to lash when she is angry, this does not constitute to a relationship. Why is it always a one directional train that we board? Why can’t this ticket be a two-way ticket?

Relax and take a deep breath. I am sorry. I have side tracked.

What distinguishes between the difference of a man and a woman on their needs and wants?

A woman needs unconditional care, time and concern. Probably a little money along the line would make the relationship happier since we are living in a true world.

A man needs support, respect, trust and freedom.

Yes man tends to be more egocentric in a relationship no doubt and that’s why the word MCP arises. Why didn’t a term WCP sprout up above the rest? I am not saying that we should endure such sexist remarks and equality should never hold among the sexes. I am just asking everyone out there to learn to understand what your other half needs.

We are all matured adults here. To start a relationship is always easy. To maintain one is the difficult part. Why don’t we try to sit down and make sure that the other party understands what you need and you yourself understand what he/she needs?

Sometimes when we focus too much on ourselves, we tend to lose track on how others are feeling. You might not need to bother about how others around you are feeling but at least you still need to bother about how the man sleeping next to you is feeling? Is he troubled? Is he sad? Is he happy? Is he okay?

I am sure you do not want to live a life with your partner doing everything you lay out for him/her. What if one day he asked you "Can I have permission to pee?"

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

Stay tune for Chapter Four

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Chapter Two

2007-04-09T04:00:00.000-07:00

** Please start reading from Chapter One if this is your first time reading this. Click here to begin your expedition with Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura.

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, its me Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura again.

To continue from where I left off, today I will teach the girls how to pick up a guy.

It is not that difficult for a girl to pick up a guy as compared to a guy picking up a girl. Men are stupid and they cannot think when it comes to circumstances like these. What is the average ratio that a girl gets picked up more often than a guy?

So why not try it out by attempting the following steps.

STEP 1
Lock your target. So you see that dashing prince of your dreams walking towards you. You know you need to make a move. Drop your hanky if you have one, if not drop your tissue. If it does not dig into him. Deliberately bump into him and apologise with the sweetest voice you could ever produce. Look at him with your watery eyes and remember to put lots of lip gauze on your lips. The shine would blind him.

STEP 2
Striking a conversation. Wait for a few seconds for him to recover the shock and now let’ talk. If he starts commenting on your beautiful dress or your beautiful shoes, accept the compliment and comment on his great taste.

If he said that you look like his tattoo artist, make sure he understands that you are able to give him a free tattoo and he will be painless.

If he says that he is an author of a what-so-ever book, make sure you laugh like a demure lady and keep questioning till he breaks.

STEP 3
The move. The most elegant move of all time without making yourself cheap. Put your hands on his shoulders and slowly, slowly, slowly move your way down to his elbows, making sure that the contact is never broken. Now slide slowly with two fingers down his elbow to his wrist. Slowly manoeuvre your fingers into his palm and make sure that your fingers end up tugging his little pinkie. Make sure you feel the tension and make sure that he feels the tension.

Look up. Smile. Checkmate!

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

Stay tune for Chapter Three

Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Chapter One

2007-04-09T03:57:00.000-07:00

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, I am your new form teacher and my name is Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura. I am 18 years old every day and I am single and very available. My dad came from a very rich country located in the central part of Middle East and he humped my mum while travelling in Japan. My dad’s surname is Ala Mak and my mum, Shiokura. Masha is my first name and you guys may call me Mr. Masha.

Today class, I will be teaching you the proper way to pick up a girl or to pick up a guy.

Lets first talk about what should the guys do to pick up a girl. Actually it is not that difficult. It just takes a few tactics, patience and how well you portray yourself. You do not need to be as handsome as Tom Cruise or as cute as Almost Virgin. You just need to be yourself and believe in yourself and follow the steps below.

STEP 1

Locked a target. Do not be greedy. The theory of locking multiple targets and finally one will pull through does not hold. Usually preying on too many will result in losing everything. Women are pretty gossipy.

It simple actually, Treat it like holding a S5 sniper rifle. You lock one target and you zoom into that target. You know the next action. FIRE!

STEP 2

Make sure you get her attention. There are a million ways to get a lady’s attention. You can actually pretend to trip while walking past her and you look up with a million dollar smile. The more radiant you look the better your chances are. You could pretend to laugh out loud while she walks past you to get her to look at you. Smile. DO NOT do the following to get her attention.

1. Deliberately spill your drink into her cleavage.
2. Bark like a dog
3. Cut her path and make her fall
4. Start making provocative noises at her
5. Slap her ass

The wise man used to say, “Getting her attention is not difficult. Making sure her attention stays with you takes skill.”

First you look at her. Make sure that she sees you looking at her. All women yearn for attention. When you see her eyes locking with yours, you just completed the first part. Slowly move your eyes down her body to her feet and then you look away. All this to be done slowly. The slower you do this, the better the results would be. Make sure she sees all this. You just completed the second part. Move your attention away from her for at least 3 minutes. Talk to your friend; talk to the girl next to you. Just talk to someone.

After this long 3 minutes, divert your attention back to her. Look at her and if you see her looking back, I guarantee you she must have at least looked at you once in the last 3 minutes to see if you were still checking her out. This time look at her and do not shift your attention away, smile back. If she smiles back at you, lets move on to STEP 3. If not, go home. Do not try to go back to STEP 1. You will look stupid.

STEP 3
Striking a conversation. It’s never easy for someone who has never done this before to be good at this part. The previous steps were easy. It is so easy to the extent that even my nephew can do it. But this part, it might take a bit of skill and technique.

1. Never stutter. You look timid and this lack of confidence reflects almost instantly once you stutter.
2. Think before you speak. I understand that all you men could only be thinking of one thing at that particular moment. But you need to be cool on this. All women need a nice massage before everything. Do not utter the most miraculous thing like “You are making me pop in my pants.” Leave these sentences later.
3. Remember the name and remember it well. Imagine how bad it will reflect if you asked her for her name and you forgot it the next instance. Or imagine you yelling the wrong name at the later part of the day.
4. Do not be too aggressive. “How old are you?” “Are you alone?” “Where are you going later?” Does it matter? These questions are pointless and it does not really matter to the both of you. What you need to do is to start a conversation that would make sure that she would be interested. If she finds you interesting, she might want to get to know you better. She might be the one who strikes the conversation instead. You work is complete.

Now lets start talking. “I think God must have answered my prayers, he has sent me an angel.” C’mon, get a life. This probably make sense it you say it to a 16-year-old girl. What I am talking about are the pretty ladies, matured and classy. You think you can pull this trick off the hat? What is wrong with you?

You need to understand your women and dig into a conversation that would get her all interested and excited.

All men are vain, which includes women. They buy clothes to put on their body so that they would look beautiful. Probably we could start exploring there. “That’s a lovely pair of shoes you have there, where did you get it from?” “You look amazing. Your dress is so beautiful, I must say you really have exquisite taste.” You see a conversation starting. If not,

“I think you must be a tattoo artist.” Sentences like this would blow the girl away.
“Why would you think so?” she would definitely enquire.
“I think you have the look of a tattoo artist.”
Continue the conversation in a way your imagination could bring you.

“Let me self introduce. I am an author. “
“Oh really? So what books did you write?”
“I wrote the book ‘The Folks of the Far Away Tree’.”
If she’s a bimbo, she would smile and look away. I think its time for you to smile and look away too.
If she’s not a bimbo, I bet you she would smile and laugh at you.
Continue by saying “They call me Mr. Blyton and I am dead now.”

STEP 4
Making advances. By now a strong conversation should be in place now. She feels comfortable with you and you have made her feel so heavenly and she is mesmerised by your sense of humour. She has lowered her defence on you and she is now comfortable and dying to know you better.

Begin slowly to lure her into the trap. Never force the woman to drink. There is no more fun in the game if the girl is drunk. You must make sure that the woman stays sober but she pretends that she is drunk. You start to speak softer than usual and she can’t hear a word. You start to move closer so that she can hear clearer. You start to edge an inch closer to her with the beginning of a new sentence. Make sure that you start whispering in her ears to the extent so close that she can hear you breathing. Make sure that pair of earrings is just beneath your nose.

“You have nice earrings.” You start to advance your fingers to her ears to have a closer look at her earrings. You pull her hair back so that you can have a closer look. You let her hair softly down the back of her ear and you retract your fingers while accidentally flicking her ear lobes gently.

You start to say “What if?” and you breathe gently into her ears. Make sure she feels you smelling her perfume she dabbed behind her ears.

“What if what?” she queried.

“What if… it is my birthday today? Would I be a happy boy?”

My guess is that she would probably turn her head around and now your faces so close to each other. Look at her. Look back at her. Look down her nose and to her lips. Look back in her eyes. If she did not push you away by now or slap you hard in your face, my take is that your work is complete with the last move.

Checkmate.

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

Stay tune for Chapter Two

Friday

2007-04-04T19:37:00.001-07:00

If given no choice that I have to decide, I will always prefer to put on my dancing shoes on a Friday night as compared to any other day.

I love to go the Salsa Club on Friday.

T.G.I.F!

I love to go on Fridays not because it is freaking crowded and definitely not because it’s a ladies night on Fridays where the population of ladies are going to be like five is to one.

Apparently, Fridays are always extremely crowded and there would be no place to dance. Furthermore the proportion of ladies to guys are definitely way off my imagination. Some days, the population might go as crazy as one lady is to two guys.

But I still love Fridays. Why?

Fridays are the time where most of my crazy friends are around. Most of us are not really hardcore dancers, including myself. We yearn for a place to listen, to talk and to live a night of fun.

Let me speak for myself. Basically, you cannot dance much on Fridays, as it is really damn crowded. You see the Karate Kicks and Buddha Palms flying all over. You see your friend getting stepped on their feet and poked in the nose. You see them walking off the dance floor limping after a dance. It is so drama sometimes that I can always imagine an ambulance waiting right outside the main entrance.

“Man Down, Man Down. The nurse would yell.” Two nurses would rush in with a stretcher and help me up the stretcher.

“Please help me. I am dying. I do not want to die.” I would mumble.

As they held my hand, they would say “You will be just fine boy, you are in good hands. We will get you up and dancing in no time.”

I am out on a Friday to enjoy the music and dance to a few nice songs. I am not there for war to dodge the bullets and neither am I there to improve my reaction time.

Most importantly, why I love Fridays, is because of the people who goes on Friday.

I meet the wildest, craziest, funniest people on Fridays.

Since it is ladies night and they get all the free drink, most of the time, many really succumb to the temptation of alcohol and drink the night away.

When they go crazy, I know its time for me to get my beer and pop my popcorn. I will always try to get the best seat in the house and enjoy the show.

The most complicated instrument in the world is a human brain. Some people like to laugh, some people like to cry. Some like to smack my back side and some like to grab my chest. Yes I am talking about you who go crazy and touch my chest. If it makes you happy, as a friend I am willing to do so.

Even the tamest dog bites. Some people say pigs can fly. Even Archille’s has his weak spot. Why not you?

There are certain circumstances which forces you into a corner that will make you break. Regardless how strong you may have become, at the right time and at the right place, you may break. Fridays are always breaking hours.

It’s funny on stories that I may have heard or stories that people have said. In the next few paragraphs are some stories I have heard, some scenes that I have saw. Some of them are just a fiction of my imagination and some are not even true.

--------------------------------------------------

[Laura] “I kissed a girl.”
[Virgin] “Really? How was it?”
[Laura] “Kissing men is definitely better. Girls have lips too soft for me.”
[Virgin] “I don’t want to lose out to you, maybe I should go and kiss a guy and understand how it feels.”

--------------------------------------------------

[Laura] “I hate my boyfriend.”
[Virgin] “Why would you say that?”
[Laura] “He is too ugly for me.”
[Virgin] “Then why did it begin in the first place.”
[Laura] “He was very nice to me then and it was a time when I need a men.”
[Virgin] “So you think you do not need a men now?”
[Laura] “I think I need you now”
[Virgin] “Bitch”

--------------------------------------------------

[Virgin] “Do you think that man look like Jackie Chan?”
[Laura] “Where, where, let me see? Nah, I think he look like Jackie Chan’s sister?”

--------------------------------------------------

[Laura] “I need a man.”
[Virgin] “Look around, there are tons of man around here.”
[Laura] “I like man who are bald.”
[Virgin] “Here you go, we have our local Sunny Boy here.”
[Laura] “I like man who are bald and fat.”
[Virgin] “I will make sure he drinks more but let’s welcome Sunny Boy.”
[Laura] “I like man who are bald, fat and black.”
[Virgin] “I will make sure Sunny Boy tans more often but whether he is black there, I am not sure.”
[Laura] “I like man who are bald, fat, black and tall.”
[Virgin] “I think you are looking for the legendary Chocolate Marshmallow Man.”

--------------------------------------------------

Therefore what can be better than to wash off all the stress of work away on a Friday night and mess around with your friends.

How Heavy Is Your Ego?

2007-04-04T19:17:00.000-07:00

Every man and woman has his or her own pride and dignity. We live each day to make sure we live life to the fullest and making tons of money without betraying out pride and dignity. When we realise that we hate ourselves and we cannot find ourselves and we have begin to start living a life for others, living a life that others want us to live, you know you have started to lose yourself.

We were born to stand tall, face the sun and breathe the air every single day. We try to live a carefree life with no worries, no burden and no obligation. We try to live our lives the way we want it to be. Things were never going to be easy. We live a life with rules and considerations that this society moulds for us. Each step that we take is heavy as the butterfly effect rules us to our max. Different people have a different level of endurance. Some of us can take a simple joke like a fart, others might take a simple joke like a knife stab. It is the level of pride and dignity that differentiates this difference. As long as a party knows the thin red line of the other party’s joke and ridicule, the world will be a much better place to live in.

But this is what the New World would be. We are currently living in a cold fake world out here. We live in a world filled with lies and deception. We live in a world where no one can be trusted. We live in a world where everyone is plastic. We live in a world where we cannot even trust the person you sleep next to every night. We live in hell.

Our words anger people unknowingly. Our actions provoked people unintentionally. Why do we care? Since we did not know and it wasn’t intentional, why should we care? We did not know that a simple phrase could cause so much hurt and pain. We did not know that a simple action could arouse such significant envy and jealousy.

But the bottom line is, should we care? Or we shouldn’t?

Life is all about compromises and sacrifices. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Sometimes we give and sometimes we receive. Who doesn’t want to win all the time and receive all the time? Men are selfish by nature and we all yearn for happiness. Does it mean that we will spend a lifetime to yearn for it and eventually we will never get happiness? All men were born beautiful. Do you picture a child so fair and cute in a cradle to be a serial killer thirty years down the road? Can you imagine a boy so young and innocent looking to be a rapist twenty years down the road? Do you imagine this angel like child to be a mother who would kill her own daughter forty years down the road?

What constitutes to all these miserable, sinful, unholy acts of men? What lies behind the story of these people to make them behave as such? Were they born like that or are these characters innate? Why must the society push us to a corner? Why do our friends betray us? How can I make my love ones appreciate me? When will money stop driving us crazy?

Do you believe in God? Do you pray to Deity? Do you think that someone, somewhere will come to save you when you are in trouble? We should believe in ourselves and we save ourselves. Men make mistakes no doubt. But we will have to learn to stand up and face the music. When we fall we brush the pain aside and we learnt from our mistake and we make sure we fall no further. We feel down sometimes but we learn to make these negatives into positives.

First we learn to put our ego in a place warm and sunny. We will have to learn to use our ego as out strength rather than a noun for people to use as a section of their sarcastic remarks. How heavy is your ego that you cannot put it down? How heavy is your ego that you cannot listen to advise? How heavy is your ego that you cannot accept criticism?

You bow your head low when your bosses scold you upside down. You plot for revenge to scratch your bosses’ car. You swear to burn down the barber’s shop just because the barber shaved your eyebrow away. You beam the car in front of you just because he is driving too slowly. You scream at your girlfriend/boyfriend just because you are in a bad mood.

If only we could tame ourselves, lower our ego and spare a though for others. I understand it takes two hands to clap. At least someone should get it started. If we just continue our life just like it is and wait till everyone starts or at least till someone starts so that you can benefit from it all, the world will always be as ugly as it was. If everyone can do so and play a part, starting from now, at this point, at this moment, pick up your phone and drop a message to your love ones, to your best friends. You tell them that you loved them or at least tell them that you thank them for being there for you. They will be happy and you will be happy. Lower down your ego and let all of us make this world a better place to live in.

It’s hard I know. I, myself, am still trying. Shall we try together?

Author
Johnny Kwek

3 Days and 2 Nights

2007-04-04T03:40:00.000-07:00

** I am trying to write in a different form from what I normally do. Regardless whether you like it or not, I would be happy to hear from you.

It’s been 3 days and 2 nights
I have not slept in 3 days and 2 nights
I have not eaten in 3 days and 2 nights
I cannot take it any more

It’s killing me
Day by day
Minute by minute
Second by second

I yearn for a cure
I yearn for help
I yearn for hope
I need an antidote

I needed answers
I needed explanation
I needed a cure
I demand solutions

Life is demanding, yes I know
Work is demanding, I never doubted
Woman are demanding, I always knew
Who can give in to me then?

I love it when people give me presents
I enjoyed it when friends give me a hug
I yearn for respect that other’s give
Than what the hell is happening now?

It has been 3 days and 2 nights
The dark gets darker
The cold gets colder
The night seems longer

I can’t think
I can’t write
I can’t sleep
I can’t wank

What am I supposed to do to release this pain
This pain for 3 days and 2 nights
What am I supposed to do to get my life back
My life for these 3 days and 2 nights

I blame a whole lot of things
I blame the time
I blame the place
I blame the bloody world

Who is to blame?
I guess I blame myself
I blame myself for my greed
I blame myself for my in-satisfaction

It’s been 3 days and 2 nights
I haven’t shitted for 3 days and 2 nights
What a painful 3 days and 2 nights
I need to shit for 3 days and 2 nights

Author
Johnny Kwek

Phrase of the day

2007-04-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

A man should never stinge on his compliments for a woman.

Neither should a woman stinge on hers.

Author
Johnny Kwek

Bio vs Life Science

2007-04-03T01:39:00.000-07:00

I was at home and alone that night. I was watching a very artistic show with a box of tissue next to me. I think the title of the show was "Beauty and her Feast", but I cannot be sure. The tissue was there as I was down with flu. Suddenly a very peculiar thought struck me.

I weight 128 pounds now. If I were in a horny mood and my member became erected, would I weigh 129 pounds?
Yes, it may not even weigh 1 pound, but c’mon, cut me some slack. Give me the benefit of the doubt, since it is my blog.

I am definitely not porn star calibre where they weigh close to 10 pounds with that huge lump of meat, but I guess I am okay. To all my friends who have seen mine, you know, I know, we are okay. I may be slightly more muscular than yours, but I guess you will do just fine.

Don’t you give me that look. We are all grown ups and we talk about stuffs. There are a lot more other things that life evolve around.

Back to the topic.

I weight 128 pounds now. If I just had an "Outback" Rib Eye Steak, would I weigh 132 pounds now?

Maybe? I can’t be sure.

I was never a Bio student, neither was I a Life Science student. I am curious about stuff.

To me, if I weigh 128 pounds now, regardless how big my member can get, it should still weigh the same. Since it is within me to begin with. It only comes out for a suntan when the sun is hot. Therefore I conclude that the human weight should remain the same.

How the hell do you experiment with this? Its not like you can weigh your dick. You semi-squat on the floor and place it on a weighing machine?

I need answers, therefore I asked the most intelligent occupation in the world, a teacher.

I called up a friend and I asked him this question. Would I weigh the same when I am horny and when I am not?

He gave me a scientific explanation.

Human is just a mixture of flesh and blood. For men, our dicky is just a combination of skin and blood. It will remain in our body unless a huge amount of blood flow encapsulates the section and therefore our member gets erected.

So I asked, "So does that mean our weight will remain the same?"

He replied, "Yes, since it is just a blood flow from our internal system."

"So where did all this blood come from in the first place?" I queried.

He answered, "From our brain, the blood will flow from our brain to our ‘Willy’. That’s why man can’t think when they are horny."

I thank God for blessing me with such intelligent friends.

Lift Etiquette

2007-04-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

It was half past eleven at night. I picked up my ever so weary body and I picked up my bag. I said good night to my clients as I head to the lift. As I walked, I realized that I have an urge to fart. It must have been the Hokkien Mee I had for dinner.

Talking about “Hokkien Mee”, whenever I listen to the Akon’s Smack That I always enjoy a good laugh. There must be something wrong with my ears.

Hey DJ, spin that wheel.

I feel you creepin', I can see you from my shadow.
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo.
Maybe go to my place and just kick it, like Taebo.
And possibly bend you over.
Look back and watch me
Smack that, all on the floor,
Smack that, Hokkien Mee some more,
Smack that, 'till you get sore
Smack that, oooh.
Smack that, all on the floor,
Smack that, Hokkien Mee some more,
Smack that, 'till you get sore,
Smack that, oooh.

But anyway, I must have sat on my butt for too long because as soon as I stood up, the uncontrollable urge to fart encapsulates me. With my client standing next to me, I tucked in my belly and tried to stop the fart from escaping.

From my training, I learnt the technique of isolation, therefore putting it into good use, I tried to isolate my ass crack muscles without stressing any of the other face or pelvis muscles, I hold. I squeezed my ass tight to prevent the wind from escaping. I hold.

The lift took an incredible time to come. But when I was just about to give up, I hear a “Ding”. The lift was here and my client waved me good bye. I took a deep breath and I walked into the lift in a position as if I had an apple between my thighs. I looked at my client for the last time and gave out a million dollar smile. The door closed.

“Poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot”. Dear Lord, I thank you for this wonderful moment. Amen.

I was at Level 6 when I hear my own sound of relief. Better than sex? Yes.

I was at Level 5 when I smell my own mixture of food and beverages. It must have been upsized.

I was at Level 4 when I hear a “Ding”.

Come on, it was half past eleven and I was not the only one working still?

Grab a life, go home.

A young woman, not very pretty, thank God, walked in. The lift door closed.

She smiled, I smiled. She sniffed. I sniffed. She put her fingers to block her nose. I smiled and I said “Its not me. I guess it must be that guy that stopped at Level 5.”

She smiled and I smiled back.

I was at Level 3. Please don’t “Ding”, please make the lift faster.

I was at Level 2. I think this lift is moving slower than me playing Monopoly.

I was at Level 1. “Ding”.

I think I did a good job and it was a job well done. It was time to complete my second wave of fart.

Father's Genes

2007-04-01T01:48:00.000-07:00

Two pretty women were having a conversation while a dashing young man was standing just a step away.

Pretty Woman A: Oh Dear, you look so beautiful and you look so much like your mum.
Pretty Woman B: Oh yes, I do look like my mum. I guess I inherited my mother’s looks but I took after my father’s genes.

Dashing, Cute and Humorous Young Man: I am so sorry, but why did you take your father’s jeans? You should take his trousers.

Author
Johnny Kwek

I AM BACK!!!

2007-03-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

AKAN DATANG

Mr. Nodidi

2007-03-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

Behind this closed door, I see a man. His rugged attire shadows his craving for fresh blood. His unclean moustache portrays a man yearning for lust and more desire. His name was Teddy Nolampar. But now I call him Mr. Nodidi.

I cannot remember why I am enclosed behind these steel walls anymore. All I know is that this man standing in front of me is giving me a sense of fear. I have a feeling, a thought and I know that I need to escape right now. I need to be as far as I can be away from this man, away from this beast, away from danger, away from this sense of insecurity.

He twitched his eyebrow and he spoke. “Hey boy, why are you in here for?”

I kept quiet because firstly I really did not know why I was there and secondly, I did not wish to speak to him hoping that without listening to my voice, he cannot sense my fear.

“Oh well never mind, but do you want to know why I am in here?” Nodidi said.

I kept my mouth shut.

“In the last four years, I killed and raped nine young boys just like you. I made them kneel and beg for mercy and I made them die the most horrific way anyone could ever imagine. And now you will be my last and final act.”

I listened and I knew what was coming. I jumped and I started running towards the steel door. I picked my ever so heavy body up and I started running. He caught me by my shin and I felled. My hands clinging onto the cold hard steel pipes, I yelled “Help me, someone help me!!! Please. Dear Lord, please.”

A steel hard hand gripped me by my arm and forced me to turn around. “You can run but you can never hide!!!” Nodidi laughed.

His piercing laughter shook me deep down all the way to my spine. Cold sweat trickled down my face.

I stared at him and I spat onto his face.

I yelled “You can take my body but you will never take my dignity and ego. To the hell with you, you fucking bastard.”

I said “Do you know what is like a rubber band, as you stretch it, it gets tauter and one day it will break?”

Nodidi replied “?????”

“Hate. And the rubber band is breaking right now.” I kneed him in his balls and I whack his head with my elbows.

He smirked and he punched me in my face. I fell to the ground and I stared back at him. He lunged at me and grabbed both of my knee caps tightly.

He said “Shut the fuck up, punk.”

He slapped me across my face and I turned and I hit the wall next to me.

------------------------------------------------------

I awoke with my bed next to me. I am sitting at the foot of my bed and I realized that I have just dropped off my bed. Good grief, everything was just a dream. Fuck that Mr. Nodidi.

I looked at my wrist, I see two swollen patches. I remember Nodidi holding my wrist tight.

I see my shin, it was all bruised and I remember him pulling my shin which made me fell.

I looked at both my knee caps; I can clearly see deep bruised marks.

Was it a dream? Or was it real?

Wait…………..

I had training yesterday. I remember now. All these bruises were from the training I had yesterday. Well, time to go back to sleep.

I lost 4 pounds.

Dear Lord!!!

2007-03-27T21:32:00.000-07:00

I know this is mean but it is the only thing that made me laugh really hard for so long.

So sorry.

What is like a rubber band?

2007-03-25T03:38:00.000-07:00

What is like a rubber band?

You stretch it and it gets tauter. If you continue to do so, one day it will break.

Author
Johnny Kwek

Highlight below to see my answer.

Life is like a rubber band. You stretch it and it gets tauter. If you continue to do so, one day it will break.

Work is like a rubber band. You stretch it and it gets tauter. If you continue to do so, one day it will break.

Love is like a rubber band. You stretch it and it gets tauter. If you continue to do so, one day it will break.

BABY this is for YOU!!!

2007-03-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

For you I will sing this lullaby

Make sure that baby you’ll sleep tight

Oh baby, never say good night

Cause I will see you

see you in my dreams

Easy as it seems

Why don’t you count your sheeps along with me

Baby one two three

Baby Baby close your eyes

Only thing that is left to say

Dream away

The Power of Beer

2007-03-14T04:33:00.000-07:00

“为什么酒好喝？”
“就因为它难喝，所以它好喝。”

“Why is beer so nice?”
“Just because it is not nice, it is nice.”

Ironic it might seem, but it does make sense. To me beer is just a cheap stimulant. To a certain extent it is able to stimulate certain feeling, either for the better or for the worse.

I am not a drunkard meaning that I do not need to drink every day, every minute or every second. It is not only when I am drunk than I can sleep. I just love the cheap thrill of losing myself and emptying my brain. I want to feel free enough to lose myself and not thinking of any consequences bearing at the back of my mind.

Most of the people around me, who drink, enjoy drinking. Are they drinking to hide certain feelings? Because they are troubled, they look for a way to divert their attention. Are people drinking because there’s a cause for celebration? Because they are happy, they look for a way to share their happiness.

I never liked to get drunk. The vomit, the smell, the stain, image, everything that comes together will never be nice. But I do like the feeling of having a beer or two where things are clearer and bolder.

Probably, I am deluding myself but I do yearn for such form of escape. Everyone has problems and I have some of my own. Why can’t I get a drink so that I can simply throw all my problems in a plastic bag, throw into Kallang River.

I know it’s a very cowardly thing to do but I don’t mind. I just yearn for a few beers to bring me a moment of being free. A moment where I will be happy and nothing could take me down.

Work
Friends
Fame
Love

How to make a compromise? When things are so difficult to handle? Should I really give it all up?

TO FACE YOUR FEARS IN THE EYE, IT TAKES COURAGE AND A GLASS OF BEER.

There are no colors in this post and there will be no colors in this post.

麻坡的华语

2007-03-11T23:49:00.000-07:00

OMG OMG!!! So cool. Must learn.

Chinese. COOL!!!

Only you

2007-03-11T00:46:00.000-08:00

Only you can make this world seem right
Only you can make the darkness bright
Only you and you alone
Can thrill me like you do
And fill my heart with love for only you

Only you can make this change in me
For it's true, you are my destiny
When you hold my hand
I understand the magic that you do

You're my dream come true
my one and only you

O Oh……
O Oh……
O Oh……

Damn the stupid radio player to die on me at this time. Never mind I will sing it by myself.

O Oh……

Only you can make this shit feel right
Only you can make my day feel light
Only you and you alone
Can make me sit on you
And fill my head with sweat of the stress from the bowels I have

Only you can make me smile like that
And each time, I can see you smiling back
When I pull the plug,
I hear you flush, this magic that you do

You’re my dream come true,
So now let’s do again for you.

Only you

Author
Johnny Kwek

Issey Miyake

2007-03-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

To my new found friends, Issey and Miyake......

I used to have a friend
Who made me took up my pen
That made me want to write
And sweetly here I cite

His name is Issey
But too bad he is gay
Probably he had too much sake
But he definitely has a crush on Miyake

I asked him if she was pretty
He said she was witty
I asked again if she was sexy
To him she was his baby

Issey and Miyake were very close
So close to the extent it made me felt gross
Issey will take Miyake as his baby
And she will have him as his honey

They said “Machiam don’t anyhow write hor”
I replied “I will try my best lor”
Why not give each other a try
Maybe things will turn out just fine

Author
Johnny Kwek

P/S: Can I get my free persume now?

Dolce Vita

2007-03-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

I walked into the office and I met my friend online and he told me how it happened and how it end. I cried and I wept. I wept and I cried again. I cursed him for making the start of the day to begin in such fascinating manner. Tears started rolling again. Regardless how true it may seem, this is my soft spot and I have a personal liking for such stories. The intensity and the twist seems all correct to show such sweetness and sadness. Its going to be a long article, but do read on to know why......

To prevent anymore hate mails, I need to clarify certain things. I did not write this article and this was gotten off my friends weblink. Permission was already given by the intended person and furthermore story was all fictional and nothing truthful based on the actual scenario by what my friend encountered. Me putting this post on my blog is to share some of my readings, which I have read and which I have enjoyed totally, with others who might not have an opportunity to read such stories before. No copyright was deliberately intruded and for some what ever reason if this post has offended anyone, I apologize sincerely.

To note: Stories written by me will be automatically signed off by me with a cute picture of mua.

And the story goes......

I was ploughing through the abscess of my hard disk to perform some housekeeping when I came across this document someone whom I admire and love has sent it to me in 2001. I re-read it again, and was touched by it once more. Heh, sentimental me. But the story did draw some parallelism in an encounter which I have experienced, with her in 2001... And I would like to share it with myself again...

DOLCE VITA(French)---SWEET TIMES

I met her on the net, how?..

I can't remember. but it seems to me that it is this 'little theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention.'if I have a million dollars, I would buy a house.do I have a million? No. that's y I dun have a house. if I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly. if all the waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love between us. can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off.

No. that's y I dun love u. that's me, a typical science student.

1st u come up with an assumption, then u fit a suitable conclusion. If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'unromantic'.

But she is an exception. she actually mailed me and said that I m an 'interesting' person. 'Interesting'?.. what a word to use on me, its like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain damage. anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad

-FLYINDANCE-

that's quite a unique one. but I was warning myself: Hello!!, this is the virtual world of Internet. who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick.

Talking from experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise the only differences will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore but, I know she is way different from a 'dinosaur', she is special.

So I guess its time for the appearance of FlyNDance.ever since she mailed to tell me that I m 'interesting',

I was always wishing to meet her in #ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person, just to show that she is far-sighted.

She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah...

Oh No, I just started a chain-reaction. Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in one of the mails....

I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd. Your glance on me be it surprise, be it admiration, it ain't gonna stop my rhythm 'COs it's not your glance that made me dance, it's my heart of youth.

I simply cannot relate this gal to any of the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I m willing to let her have her fill.

Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with FlyNDance,and has been perpetually warning me about this...."HELLO!!!... u don't even know what she looks like, y take the risk??..maybe 'she' is a guy!!... haha!!.."

I can't blame Tye for his ignorance. He has become a renowned 'playboy'.

As the saying goes: "Once bitten, Twice shy", in this case, after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and Make into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19 year-old version of Brad Pitt. Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes diabetes in every women he targets. I dun think he can even remember how many girlfriends he had had.

I went online that night, she is there.Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message.....

"hey slorr.. so late liao haven't slept ahh??"

Now what? Now what??!!.. okok, I had to calm down 1st. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath. Now where is that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me what to say to her. How m I going to attract her with my pathetic humour which has gone stale.

"slorr... me in a foul mood today.. can't sleep.. u leh??"

MOTHER'S(direct translation to chinese), what slorr slorr...now when I read it twice in a row, I m beginning to feel disgustedin that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "who knows.. it might attract some innocent gals in talking to u... haha.." together."

Finally I squeezed a sentence out, but I can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I m not in a bad mood,

I just wanna follow up her topic that's all. And if she ask for the reason for my feeling down, I can say: happy?..." I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP."

And gals are a very weird species, they trust their ears far more than their eyes.So instead of doing 10 things to impress her, why not just say a sentence to move her.

"ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."

DAMNIT!.. how can I forget simple manners to gals.
To think they call me 'MR COURTEOUS' in school.
If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my female fans.

"nice to meet u... miss long-hair.."

"I've been wishing that she's keeping long hair. Tye said that:

"FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly: hair and skirt. So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt Flys when she dances,

HAHAAH-HA!!.. this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.."

"eh?... how u know I got long hair?.."

BINGO!!.. heaven is on my side this time.

It goes to prove that she is not a DESPERADO. yesh!!..

"not only that.. I also know u seldom wear skirt.."

I increased the stake, if I m correct this time, peace on earth forever.

"err... I guess u r rite lor.. but how u know one?.."

HAHAHAHAHA.... I m good ahh...

"just guess..."

"ok lor... hey slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz...u coming online tomorrow morning??..."

"ya... y??.."

"Please please please say the u coming too, if not I m going to kill myself for letting u go tonight.

I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...goodnight..."

"er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too"

I just blurted out a last sentence....

Offline.

Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now. But is the season of spring really arriving for me??... I wish.

"slorr... what a coincidence ahh..."

"yeh... I m not late."

"ya lor... so qiao.."

gals are weird, I thought we already had an arrangement, y do I have to pretend that its not. they must have watched too many movies,and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the best thing that can happen to their love life.

"slorr.... u talking nonsense lah..."

"NONSENSE???.. ok, let me tell u what nonsense? Summer's beach, the guy must be good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness, sparkling eyes and loud laughter. Then he will call out loud the name of the gal, running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwisely."

"slorr.... u siao liaoz ahh??"

"I siao?.. ok.. lets change a location then.Deep in the mountains, the guy must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and there will be a gal whose the model.... most probably naked."

"slorr.. but these all very romantic mah..."

"ROMANTIC??.. hello miss... romance only survive in novels and movies.In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles.Birds may just clear their waste on top of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips."

"slorr... u hate romance??.."

"I hate romance?... nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a deduction, that guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!!..some love novels even portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one Dares to challenge the height of him!.. I object.... because I m not tall."

"-slorr.... objection overruled..."

I think I m really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon.

"slorr... are u hungry?..."

"ya... u leh??...."

"yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.."

"then do u think we should....??"

"slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..."

"ok, good.. I m not romantic... neither are u."

I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the conversation with FlyNDance this morning.
"U moron... told her u r not romantic... u siao ah?.. u have disgrace me man... how can u make such a big mistake?....I...I..."

Tye grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and the wing. "there are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal...

one...dun forget to be romantic,..two .... dun be too honest... 3... dun be too stingy on the sugar in our speech... noticed number 1, u stupid??

"what rubbish is that??"....

In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai, nu ren bu ai', u should know this..."

"this I know, but it has been a controversial topic over centuries.women aren't really that... cheap.. so y would they only falls for 'bad guys' like me??..."

"that's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic...those 'nice guys' are usually...dumdums... so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than any of those dumdums... in maths we call this 2C1. understand? ...dumdum.."

oh, Tye is talking about maths!!.. now I understand.No wonder I have always been left on the shelf.

"in another words... gals wouldn't mind if u r not tall... if u r not handsome... they can bear with ur inconsiderate acts... can forget ur stupidity... but they can never forgive if u r not romantic..."

"come on, this is so exaggerating."

"hey... most women have a 'knot' for romance.. just like most men have a 'knot' for virginity... to women they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance."

"this is bullshit! how come I've never heard of that."

"the key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but how many had actually succeeded in that... practically none..."

"ok, fine. now I've done it...so what should I do to remedy the situation?"

"face it... u r hopeless already... I promise u I'll have a drink with u when u and her are over..."

"U SON OF A BITCH".

Mid-night. I m trying to concentrate on my physics notes....

F=ma,v=u+at...it's really a wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formula and equations, and this we call science. then y is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious? science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, wat can't be explained by science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal....Close to 1am. since I can't get anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there...

"slorr...u here"

"finally... good night to u...:).."

'FINALLY'? strange word to use it here.

Wat is she doing here at this hour? must be feeling down again.

"yes... it is fate that brought me to u at this moment..."

I m trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic.

"slorr... nothing to do with fate... I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz..."

"sure or not?.. for wat?.."

"talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep..."

"u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah...:)"

"slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of relationships began from internet?..."

oh my god... how should I answer her now?

"its..its very... romantic..." indeed I m not a good liar, even my words are shaking now.

"slorr... u bluffing... u not romantic one mah..."

GAME OVER. I m finished!.. no choice but to drink with Tye.

"slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?..."

"no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio tonight?.."

"nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..."

sigh... I give up... I asked for it myself.

"Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as ROMANTIC, 'COs romance gives pple an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is virtual."

"slorr....that's interesting.."

"surfers keep a safe distance from each other and usually 3 types of pple are produced in this way.

The 1st type....

The 1st type being those who present themselves on net with their 'secondary personality'.Usually all of us consists of multiple personalities, and in Everyday life, wat we present to the world is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed,or maybe we dun even realised this other Trait of us deep inside.so internet is the place where this side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge."

"izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?.."

"the 2nd type are those who will transform themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be.theres bound to be 1 or 2 characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these characteristics are just couldnt be found in u.cyberspace is the perfect location for this transformation to occur."

"slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?..."

"I m not blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!!type 3 will be those who transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real life.for example, if u r a gal, you may act as a man on net. you may even become BATMAN or SUPERMAN if u want."

"hm.. thats pretty amazing..."

"the 1st type is the 'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net. the 2nd type is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admireothers, always forgets his own strong pts. the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some possible."

"slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?.."

"i dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos i m not.I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because i think u r special. Being able to attract u, i think i m at least a bit special.so we belong to type 2."

"type2.... den who u wish to become?..slorr.."

i certainly would like to become a person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are wat i'm lacking of.

"slorr.... wat about me?.."

"U?.. i dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE, probably that means u wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can.but if this is somethng u wish yet u can't achieve, den theres 2 possibilities:
1, u r aging, 2, u r leaving the world."

i think i said something wrong, 'cos she didn't sent me anymore msg after this.i began to blame myself for being so perverted, y talk about these things?..I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the queen of caldecott hill.damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind.maybe she's lagging. so i waited... and waited.although its just a few minutes, but it felt like several hours. i want to apologize, but do not know how to start. until she sent me this msg:

"slorr... lets meet..."

without hesitation, i used the hand that I had used it over 18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'.

I m supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm, at the entrance of Mcdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to meet a gal u have never met b4, according to Tye, 'COs they would have taken their dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mc and have some fries and coke.

she will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing my usual blues, this is our way of identification.she told me she is not those 'cute gals' I may think she is, I said never mind, I m not Brad-pitt either. Then she told me she has long ago given up on this hope already.

"slorr... u r early..."

while I was idling, a gal tapped my shoulders from my back. although I was oredi mentally prepared for anything that's gonna appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in front of me now.

if not for the coffee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only asking for directions. 'COs she is one of those chio bu that can only be found on orchard road, usually while I m crossing the road.

maybe I suffered from a serious concussion due to the heavy blow,my mind was extraordinarily calm.

"had ur dinner rite?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st..."

"u r pretty smart huh?... a good way to save money indeed..."

AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an innocent smile back. since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even ordered TWO packets of fries.

"this time u treat, next time i'll let u treat..."

I m not falling for that, miss...but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'.

"slorr... r u disappointed when u saw me just now?.."

DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?..

"y do u think I will be disappointed then?.."

"'cos i told u i m not cute mah, so u must be quite dissappointed when u saw me.."

she is making N0 sense, but i know she is just trying to hint that she's actually cute.

"then y did u have to lie that u r not cute?"

"slorr... i said i m not cute... i didn't say i m not pretty.."

#$%$##%^*&%$@!!!

"but u r also quite....decent looking what..its not like what u described to me too.."

'DECENT'? a very vague word. to many gals, decent=boring. one good thing is that she didn't lie to me about the fact that she is keeping long hair.

she also has a fair complexion which reminds me of HL milk

I take almost everyday. it is now only that i found out she is from ACJC, but had spent her 1st 3 mths in AJ. sitting in front of each other, we talk about many things. from her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies. in btw, she had completely shake off my misconception of 'if she is pretty, she is brainless'. she appears to be an attractive gal, both physically and character wise, talking, smiling to me, occasionally being a little sarcastic and nasty. its like a dream.we left the Mc at around 10 pm. since its still early, i decided to send her home and fortunately, its just Ang Mo Kio, two MRT stops from mine. i would have a second thought if she's staying at Pasir Ris.

"slorr... congratulations.... u r officially permitted to date me from now on..." she said this b4 the lift door closed.

back at home, i realized that i hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of that stoopid Tye.

Tye told me : " never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her,'cos there are oredi too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more interested in you if u act bochap..."
then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me theres a female version of Tye telling her not to? it's again 1am. time to meet her in #ajcrr.

"hi!... slorr.. u tired?..."

of 'cos i m tired after all the surprises she presented me, i would go straight for my bed if not for her. but y is she here also?...isn't she tired too?..

"long time no see.. how r u?.."

"slorr u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh..miss me?..."

"A)yes.. B)of'cos.. C)abuden...D)dying to see u...E)all of above....

answer is E..."

";:)..."

seems like she is really tired, even the smiling face are yawning to me rite now.

"u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.."

maybe i should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly click 'OK'.

"should be no problem... what show?..."

HOOOOORAY!!... i m cheering for her fatique.

"we decide what show tomorrow...anyway whats important is watch with who... not the show.."

Tye's fav line, i m just borrowing it.

";:)..."

"u should go sleep now lah..."

"wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or not?.."

"ok lah... a bit.... u leh?.."

"i m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st... slorr..if not i can't sleep.."

"me too...."

i can't believe i m doing this SILLY business rite now....

"ok i tell u what.... i count 1,2,3... then we log off together..."

"ok.... good night slorr..."

"same to u.."

"1...."

"2..."

"3.."

i never talk whenever i m inside a cinema, and now is the best time for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic. i m not a romantic person, so its perfectly understandable if i can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for all those stunning special effects. but something stroke me when Jack said to Rose b4 he sank into the deep.....

"Rose, listen to me... listen.... winning that ticket was the best thing that had happened to me... it brought me to u....and i m thankful,Rose....i m thankful...."

suddenly i felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk my life to board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night. But he's one lucky guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose, that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasnt just about drawings or special effects. i noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding in her hand. and just when Rose said: "i promise... i will never let go, Jack...i'll never let go.."

she opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief.

Damn that celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO ON" at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON"

"Ok... movie ended... lets go...."

i stood up, speak to her gently, worried that every single word i breath out might just crush Onto her, and kill her. she continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just came back from a swim. after a while, she said...

"slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes on.. am I rite?..."

i nodded my head... but i just wished somebody might give me some clue of what she was saying. finally we managed to leave Orchard cineplex, since its still early, we decided to take a walk down the street. along the way, she seems unusually quiet. so I guess Tye was rite about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and its the best time to launch an emotional attack on her, thats y Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times roughly. her eyes were focussed on the path or the crowds but i know her mind was still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up. i just kept my mouth shut 'cos I know i m not a good swimmer. we walked to Plaza Singapura. suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter.

"slorr.. have u read a novel called 'fragrance'?..."

"err..nope.... y do u ask?..."

"look at this 'DOLCE VITA' from Christian Dior... its what the guy bought for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday.... and he told her 'DOLCE VITA' is french, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..."

she pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but i was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle.

"oh... izzit?..."

"slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?"

"at first i do... but some pts are deducted since u started crying..."

"that means it can only be considered a little bit sweet, i'll buy the small bottle then..."

i insisted to pay for the perfume as her bday present from me since i know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot of trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume, i would have to pawn my underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar."

"r u hungry?.... wanna sit down and have something?..."

"i dun have appetite... what about u?.."

"you eat, i eat...."

her eyes are red again...... i m such a fool.

finally got away from the noisy crowd at the mrt station, walking on one of the steets of AMK ave6. contrastingly, its so quiet now that i even can hear the rythm of her heartbeat."

"slorr... do u know what's the correct way of applying perfume?...."

i shook my head. in fact, i had never used a perfume or cologne b4,medicated oil maybe.

"1st u apply some behind ur ears... then ur neck and wrists...after that spray some onto the air, then walk through it..."

"sure or not?...in that case this little bottle wont even be able to last u for 3 days...."

"slorr.. shall we try?..."

"'we'?... u go ahead... i m a MAN..."

she opened up that DOLCE VITA... behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied some... and she really did spray some onto the air!!...

WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!...finally she stretched out her hands... facing up...like enjoying the raindrops falling on her face...

"hahaha...."

"slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...."

she went through the same procedures with me and i can feel the coldness of her fingers. maybe its the perfume... i guess.

"slorr... get ready... i m going to spray!!..."

i imitated her.. face up...and walked through my 1st perfume rain.

"slorr lets have another round!!..."

" WHAT!!... serious?.."

my money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 i can collect the broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. she was even more excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing butterfly. late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite now. until we finished the whole of that DOLCE VITA

"DOLCE VITA is exhausted... i guess this sweet time shall end now too....slorr.. i'll go up now.... tonight 1am.i wont be online, and u r not to do so too..."
"huh?....but why?...."

"go online at 12pm tomorrow..u will know....remember... only 12pm..."

she turned and walked into the lift... at the same time... i saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now be'cos she tied her hair. i looked up towards her window on the 4th floor from below, but it never light up. i switched off the light in my room...engulfed in the absolute darkness... 'cos i wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now...i realised in complete darkness...

the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness..she must be lonely rite now...

half asleep.. i almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst the sea of flame... and that patch behind her neck..

from pink it became red... then burgundy..slowly.. it swallowed me....

was it the cause of that can of beer just now?...suddenly i felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come straight from my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got closer to 1am... USE A DIFFERENT NICK!!... checked ..she isn't there.... my heart was beating fast...but the temp remained below healthy level........finally its 12 pm, excited as i was, logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But theres a mail from her......

Dear slorr,

At first i thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the darkness... recollecting memories we have shared... but all i felt was loneliness...... can u feel it too?... I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so i used a different nick to sneak into #AJCRR... u dun blame me right?...:P... u weren’t there... should i feel glad for ur obedience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2...the foolish type...maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to fight for their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that i m leaving the world... and a few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person... BUT CAN I?.. FlyNDance... is it really something i wont be able to do?...

After the 1st meeting with u at Mc... I started to realise that u r not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace... in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive.... i can feel the defense Wall of my heart is slowly breaking apart.... i m defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that i look more attractive this way... I want u to remember my face as it is today... 'cos after today... everything may change....But why didn't u ask for my real name? ..thats why i never asked for urs... i m a gal mah..:P... do u realised how i wish to have something more than a nick to take along with me? ...Slorr... thank u for the DOLCE VITA... finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but i m really sorry..... i just couldnt bear to say goodbyz....
since it started from a mail....it should end with a mail too....

Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very 1st mail... not a very long time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it..

Maybe its what u said... 'internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send u my thoughts right away... but not my tears...

Its about 5.30am now....time to go.... by the time u receive this mail...

i would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... i dun know....Good Bye.

With lotsa love,
FlyNDance

After reading her mail, i felt as if i had just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. she had shown me the other side of her, soft and sensitive. For a couple of mths, i was trying to hypnotise myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again. Perpetually i was telling myself, she is just one virtual character that flys and dance in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC, escaping from the internet and anythng that has to do with coffee. Hide myself behind the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of pple, trying to get rid of this thought of missing something in life. But i failed. I found out that its not that i dun miss her, its just that i had forgotten the passion that always comes along when u r having something hanging on ur mind all the time. its like i cannot not breath, its just that I had forgotten the fact that i have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years. i can hold my breath for a while, but not forever. i have to find her.

"err... i m looking for ... er..FlyNDance...."

"HUH??..."

'huh'.... this is the exact word i was expecting from her.

she seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too even without any makeup. But of 'cos, still can't be compared with her...

I explained to her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that i m no stalker whom she might think i m.surprisingly when i told her my disgusting nick, slorr, she appeared to be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and handed it to me.....

"u should go and see her.."

SGH, Room 3-425. This is the 1st time i've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. its a dust-free space, everything looked soo clean, tidy and arranged. But I dun like the feeling it gave me...

I entered room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep... i stood by her, watching...her hair was still as long as before, laying across the soft, White pillow...her face looked roundish now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine... and the pinkish-red patch that was on her neck had spread to her face... appearing in a shape of a butterfly..

nevertheless..she was still the most beautiful butterfly i've ever seen... Her eyelashes twitched slightly.. she must be dreaming... what's that in her dream??... Mcdonald's fries and coke?.. sinking Titanic?.. or the rain at AMK ave 6?.. The room was getting darker as the clock approaches 6pm..

i wanted to switch on the light... 'cos I hate to see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room....

But i m worried that her dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays...while i was in a dilemma.. her eyes opened slowly... Her eyes were wide on me.. then she turned away suddenly.. i can only see her back at this moment... she lost weight... after a long time.. she turned to face me again..rubbed her eyes... and smiled....

"slorr.. u r here!..."

"yes..nice weather today.. isn't it?.."

"ya lor.. sky also very chio today?..right?...heehee.."

"'SKY VERY CHIO'...i can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our AJCRR meetings..."

But she didn't realized that it's raining today...

"slorr.... why r u standing there.. sit down.."

Thanks for reminding me.. i just found out that my legs were numbed due to the several hours of standing...

"slorr... u lost weight..."

ME?.. i thought i should be the one whos telling this to her!!??....

"slorr.. u hungry?... had ur lunch?..food here isn't so good.. thats why patients like me always slim down a bit.. apart from that.. its quite ok.. but sometimes i feel really bored without a PC here to talk to u.."

"slorr.. hows ur mid-year?.. sure did very well right?.."

WAIT A MINUTE!.. u r the one who's lying on bed right now!!.. not me!....Yet.. i had nothing to ask her actually.. 'cos I was there to see her.. not to find out the answers to those questions..maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like whats in the case of a movie.. But i m not a Romantic person... moreover... movies are fiction.. life isn't..

I just wished that she could leave this place which almost made me sick as soon as possible... back to AMK ave6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged....and i promised she wont be alone anymore..'cos I will always be there...After a while... her mum was here to see her.. around the age of 50, slightly overweight.. other than the cheerful smile... she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance...

"err... i think i've gotta go now... bye bye auntie.."

"You....You..." she sat up straight in a sudden.. like experienced a tremendous shock...

"i'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow...until u leave this place..."

before i went back home, i went to Plaza Singapura again to buy that Christian Dior Dolce Vita... and i've got the biggest bottle this time,that she can even swim in it. i try not to close my eyes that night,'cos I want to go to her as soon as the 1st sun ray shoots into my room.

i hired a cab, didn't want to waste too much time on bus.

"slorr.. u r here.. i've been waiting for u for a long time..."

"had a good night's rest?..."

"oh... i didn't allow myself to fall into a deep sleep... 'cos i know u wont wake me up when ur here..."

"then u should take a rest now..."

"err... since u r here lready... i dun think I can..."

I gave her the Dolce Vita, and we'd agreed that we would dance in the rain in front of SGH main entrance the day she's discharged. i dare not look straight at her... 'cos theres a butterfly on her face.. it was only last night b4 I leave SGH that i found out she's suffering from an illness called ERYSIPELAS.. what the unprofessionals call the BUTTERFLY DISEASE... but what i like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance around freely..not that pinkish-red butterfly that settled on her pale complexion... moreover.. whats a butterfly if it can't fly....

"slorr.. why r u looking at me.. and not talking?..."

i dun know... 'cos i noticed that shes getting weaker physically... I had a bad feeling about this...

"slorr... i m thirsty... can u get me a drink?.."

I m not leaving her at this moment. i can still remember a movie about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his girlfriend who's on sickbed... and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he came back... never to wake up again...

"r u trying to get rid of me... like whats in that movie?.."

"slorr... movie is movie... life is life..."

MOVIE?. LIFE?....

"but i thot u just had a drink?...anyway.. so what can i get for u?..."

"Ultimate Ice Blended!!...."

This is a hospital leh!!... did she think I can find Coffeee Bean everywhere on this island?...like Mcdonalds...whats more... coffee wasn't suitable for her at that time...

"err.... coffee isn't good for health.. order something else...ok?"

"so u know coffee isn't good for the body too... then u should cut down on ur intake oso..ok?.."

i saw her smile appearing... and theres a shine in her eyes... i realized that shes just trying to tell me not to drink too much coffee in the future...My heart seemed to have suffered from a heavy blow...

This is not good... a taste of pH7 has started to fill my nose.....

If this is not going to stop.. tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her... i recalled the chapter on reservoir and dam in physics textbook..quickly apply the knowledge on me... even if its just a few droplets..."

"ok... i promise... i'll try my best.."

"and try to sleep Earlier in the future...and dun skip breakfast...its important to u...and dun be too obsessed with Blue..it makes u look.. troubled....and....."

this didn't sound good... its like giving the final instructions b4 she...

I can't bear to let her continue...

"okok... i'll go get u a Drink right away.."

"slorr... is the machine far away?... if it is.. then its ok.. i dun want it anymore..."

from my mental calculation.... men would take 67 steps while women would take 85 steps to reach the vending machine right at that corner..

plus the time taken to purchase... average would take a total of 1.8-2.1 minutes... not very far...

"quite near.."

"slorr.... come back quick... i dun want to be alone for too long....i hate that feeling.."

i didn't answer her.... i just increased my pace....

************************************
"eh... its late already... go to sleep.."

my mum was nagging at me again.

"okok.... 10 more minutes..."

Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2 mths. i still logged on at 1am everynight, but onto channel DOLCE-VITA which was created by myself, with slorr and FlyNDance being the only 2 nicks inside, for 10 minutes. Although she wont be able to fly and dance in real life anymore,but i still wish that she could continue to do so in the virtual world.

Even Tye has given up on me...

"she's gone.... y r u still doing this?.. for what?!!..."

Yet, even if thats the case, i can't allow her soul to be left at the corner of loneliness. 'cos she said.... she hate the feeling of being alone... I still remember there was a heavy downpour on that day....

When i reached SGH... they told me... A coffeee butterfly flew away from her room at around 1am last night.... after that... i can't remember...i just knew that i stood at the bus-stop for a whole day...

and i was all wet because of the rain..even my face..

I've been crying hard not to think of her over these 2 mths.. I've been hoping that her face wont appear in my mind every moment that i breath, but it's like hoping that.... the sky isn't blue; the grass isn't green; the stars do not twinkle at night... Basically, i was hoping for something impossible to happen... I can't believe that i m of Type 2, even in real life.. Did i cry?.. NO WAY!.. i said it b4, i m not a romantic person, and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that constitutes emotions... whenever i had the feeling of pH7, i'll browse through those FWDS:jokes...attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...so now everything is back to the way it was b4 I met her 9 mths ago...

Tye is still flirting around, and i m still the old decent=dull me.

But i've stopped taking coffee and beer.

"xing ah... is this for u?...."

My mum handed me a letter she picked up in the mail box this morning.

i was surprised when i saw 'To:slorr...' written on the envelope.

That's for me i guess. i opened it up, there was a piece of writing inside, and another coffee envelope

Slorr,

I m FlyNDance's sister, i think this is how u r addressing her. I m sorry that i do not know ur real name, although we'd met b4. When i was packing her stuffs a few Days ago, I found this letter with your name and address already written on it. So i posted it to you, because I believe this is what my sister intended to do.

Best wishes,
Xiao wen

The letter was sent 3 days ago, and there was another

'To:slorr...'
followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope.

But this handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swiftly...like in a joyful dance. I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address... did i give her in one of my mails?..I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened up the envelope.I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside...Apart from these, there was a blue letter...
with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it.

The photo Showed her, standing on a piece of grassland... wearing the same coffee theme attire on our 1st meeting at Mcdonalds.

Something was written at the back of it....

Dear slorr,

Coffee represents Pisces.. thats me.
Blue represents sagitarius.. thats you.
A blue letter inside a coffeee envelope....know what i mean?... :) seeing me... do u feel like drinking coffee now?.. stop drooling!... :P

FlyNDance

I smiled.... bitterly.. and the contents of the blue letter is simple:

If i have one more day to live, i want to be your girlfriend.
Do i have one more day? No.
Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend...
not in this life.

If i have wings, i want to fly down from the paradise just to see you.
Do i have wings? No.
Sadly. I can never see you again.
If all the water are drawn out of the bath-tub,
but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us.
Can all the water in a bath-tub be drawn off?
Can.
So yes. I LOVE YOU.

FlyNDance

My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time go in a jiffy...
As proud, as emotionless as i was,i can't pull back the salty wet thats on the whole of my face anymore.... She has changed my 'little theory'... and gotten Back what i'd owed her... tears for 2months
*****************************

Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar.. including best picture. Yet, Rose wasnt the best actress under that category. So if its sad in a movie, it may not be so fortunate too in real life. and.. in reality... should Jack hold on to Rose.. and 'Never let go?'.....

Maybe he shouldnt be worried about this... 'cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to fly and dance in his heart.. forever...

~THE END~

****************************************************************

The only feeling of loss
Is when you love someone
More than you love yourself.

From the movie Good Will Hunting

Firting For a Long Term Relationship

2007-03-09T01:54:00.000-08:00

I read this article from online from a friend and I find it damn interesting so I decided to share. Also partly because I hope that my papparazzi friend could gain from it. Read on and have fun.

Have you ever wondered why we flirt?

I mean, we've all done it at some time but it's one of those things that we do without really giving any though to why or how.

Quite simply, flirting's our way of letting the opposite sex know that we're available. What it says we're available for depends entirely on how we flirt but for the sake of this article, I'll concentrate on some flirting tips hat's done when you're with somebody you might like to develop a committed relationship with.

If you're a bit on the shy side, perhaps lacking in self confidence after being away from the singles scene for a long time, flirting can be quite a daunting task. It isn't difficult. It's like everything else; practice makes perfect so if you want to be a successful flirt on the serious dating scene, you need to start sticking your toes back in the water before you dive in after the big fish.

Find a few fellas who you think are nice but are unlikely to bump into at the local post-office or your regular watering hole and practice your flirting skills on them. If you get it wrong the most you'll lose is the time you spent flirting but you'll have learned a lot.

When you start to feel confident, that's the time to home in on the guy of your dreams and show him what you're made of. Here are some of the Flirting Tips;

* Smile

Picture the scene. You're sitting at a pavement cafe on a warm, sunny day. A reasonably nice looking guy walks past, glances in your direction but looks as miserable as sin. Five minutes later another reasonably nice looking guy walks past. This one looks across as you and smiles. Which of them would you most likely want to get to know better? My bet's that you'd go with the second guy, simply because he smiled.

A smile immediately gives your appearance more warmth so you'll seem more open and inviting to others.

When he talks, smile in appropriate places. Don't sit there grinning like a Cheshire cat; at best you'll appear false, at worse he'll think you've forgotten to take your medication. A smile shows interest and best of all, it's contagious.

* Eye Contact

Everybody enjoys looking at something they find appealing and you don't want him to think you don't fancy him, do you? If you're shy or insecure about flirting you'll perhaps find it difficult to hold his gaze for a moment longer than you should but you really MUST look at him when he's speaking. Looking at everything else will just say 'that crack in the pavement's more interesting to look at than you' and that's hardly what you want, is it?

If, on the other hand, you're super confident, don't go making the reverse mistake and spend the evening staring at him. Men may love to boast to their mates that 'she couldn't take her eyes off me' but in reality, being stared at makes a person feel awkward and embarrassed.

* Touch Him

A difficult one, this! Especially if you're shy.

Think back to primary school and that boy who fancied you (or fancied your mate, or whoever). Remember how he used to push you in the corridor or pull your hair in the playground? It's hardly strange we find it difficult to understand the opposite sex when that's how they behave when they fancy us but it was all about having the opportunity to touch us.

Now that we're older we have to find other ways of touching one another without appearing to be too intimate. Dancing's a good solution, as is touching his arm or knee when laughing together. Losing your balance slightly whilst walking together so that you have to reach out and balance yourself against him's another good ploy, as is asking him to help you on with your coat.

* Feel Sexy

Dress to feel sexy but remember that sexy isn't about showing it all. In fact, it isn't necessarily about showing anything! The way the fabric feels against your skin, heels and wearing your frillies underneath your dress can all make a woman feel sexy without looking cheap. The really good news though, is when a woman feels sexy she'll automatically appear sexy to the opposite sex.

* Show Interest

Sounds pretty obvious doesn't it, but sometimes it's easy to think we're showing interest even though the signals are actually saying something else. Showing interest is a mix of all what's gone before; not looking at the floor instead of at him, touching him when you have the chance, looking him in the eye and smiling, but above all, it's about listening to what he's saying and asking questions. If you were interesting in buying a house, I'm should you'd listen keenly to what the owner or estate agent had to say and ask plenty of questions, wouldn't you? Do the same when you're interested in a man! After all, how important's a house compared with a loving, supportive life partner?

* Appreciate Your Date

Whether you've had lunch, taken a walk around the park or spent an evening together, thank him for it and tell him how much you've enjoyed it. Don't go OTT; just say you've had a lovely time and that he's been good company.

Whatever you do, don't leave the date without letting him know that you're available for another. By saying nothing you're likely to leave him believing that you don't want to see him again. At the very least, you'd leave him feeling confused and if his self-confidence isn't right up there, he's hardly likely to call again. Saying something like 'give me a call if you fancy doing it again' will open the way for him to make further contact.

Playing hard to get rarely works.

Now it's up to you to get out there and start practising your flirting skills. Flirting with Guys may seem like a daunting task right now but believe me, it won't be long before flirting becomes second nature and you'll be wondering what the fuss was all about.

Have fun Flirting.

What is Love?

2007-03-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

Recently, a very good friend of mine has been finding answers to cure his immense amount of feeling to be in love. For such a gay friend of mine to have such mixed feelings, I am sure that it must be troubling him to a certain extent.

Dear Paparazzi, please find my comments to your recent post.

What is love?

Love is not: 2NaCl + 2H2SO4 + MnO2 --> Na2SO4 + MnSO4 + 2H2O + Cl2.

This is not chemistry for love.

Love is support, understanding, care and most importantly, passion.

There is no fixed formula to love someone. It is not like when you have all the elements equipped, you know that you can start loving someone.

Love is something that is nurtured over time.

Love at first sight. I never fully support this statement to any extent. My friend used to tell me, "Hey dude, I love this girl."

How much do you know a person to love a person? If you love a person even without knowing his/her name, in Cupid's love book, how is he supposed to write down the names?

Does great sex constitute to loving a person?

"I had sex with her all night long and it was the best ever."

Are you sure that love is just about sex? There are more than 1000 prostitutes in Singapore and I am sure that you can find love there if this is the case.

This must be true love? Some things are just destined.

I am sad to say that I see no facts in this statement. I think love is something one creates. It’s a matter of how to make things work.

I think getting to know a person well is very important. Let me emphasize the beauty of love in my definition.

1. Support

In each of our daily lives, we make decision. We make decisions to have chicken rice for lunch and we make decisions to alter the ways our life was meant to be. This decision might not solely be for personal objectives but rather it will also be dependent on others. Sometimes, we make decisions that are major which will incur a drastic change in human and environment behaviors. As a form of respect, we are willing to voice and discuss. But still the final decision is based on oneself. If one chooses to make a decision, all one can ask for is support. If a partner is unable to give that kind of support, it will only incur more troubles for your partner.
Let me list an example. If I were to change my job scope now from Banking to Sales, I would be jobless without an income, will my partner support me for doing so. I have my own reason for making this decision and I only opt for support and not anything else. If my partner insists on not giving me support on this and threatens to break up with me, would I still deem this person as a partner.

2. Understanding

Some things are easier said than done. A certain level of chemistry and understanding denotes a perfect relationship. I can say that you have attained the level of trust and understanding when your partner can tell your feelings even without you saying a word. Silent understanding is the most difficult and the most sacred. This is very difficult to come by.

3. Care

You care for your partner and you are worried for your partner and you think about your partner. You are afraid that her menstrual cramp will affect her health and you are afraid that the knife will cut her finger. Will you be willing to go down to Geylang to get her her favorite Bean curd when you stay in Jurong? Are you willing to brace through the storm to bring her to the doctor even though she only had a pimple outbreak.

4. Passion

I really need to emphasize that Passion does not denote sex. Do you feel like grabbing her hands and hold it closely next to yours? Do you have the urge to buy her that dress you see on the mannequin? Do you think of lying next to her watching her sleep? Do you have the urge to call her just to check if she was bored? Do you have the urge to grab her close and tell her you loved her? Are you able to do anything and everything for her?

Please forget all the bullshit I have stated. What I really want to say is that it is not easy to love someone. But you can start by knowing someone better and who knows one day this liking may become love eventually.

And as my conclusion, I would say love is nothing until you experience it. So I am really suggesting for you to go ahead and experience it. Regardless whether the love potion is bitter or sweet, you would never know until you sipped it. You are not young anymore and we are all matured adults here. You would never know until you try. So shed that gay shell of yours and move on. Move to somewhere where you will experience something that no man can give you.

Regards,
Almost Virgin

Kinky Director

2007-03-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

I will be away on a meeting this entire week and I will miss all of you. Anyway my director from Hong Kong will be joining me for this week.

Out of no where, she came up to me and ask me this question.

"I fill up a bath tub and I give you a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to empty the bath tub. What would you do?"

I thought and I replied, "I would use the bucket obviously since it is bigger."

Thinking that I am so smarty pants, I smirked with a confident look.

She replied, "You stupid or what, obviously you could just pull the plug."

Annoyed by the stupid and lame question, I smiled reluctantly.

"Let me ask you yet another question", she said.

"Do you want your bed to be near the window or the door?"

This time round I listen carefully knowing it must be another one of her stupid question, I replied.

"I guess I will take the window cause the door is too damn scary. They say if you sleep next to the door, the ghosts will come and find you at night.", I exclaimed.

"You stupid or what. Why did you choose to sleep by the window when you can have your bed next to mine."

Using the lame stomachache excuse I refused to have lunch with her.

Bachata Competition With Pictures !!!

2007-03-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

A long long time ago, in a land far far away. There was a handsome prince cursed to become a stone statue for the rest of his life. He waited and waited till one day.

An Arabian Princess who got lost in the caves of the Honolulu Lands stumbled upon the secret cave and she walked around since she has nothing to do.

So she walked and she walked. She stumbled upon the stone prince and got really curious. She saw a key on the feet where the stone prince stood and she picked up the key. She turned the key. The stone prince came to life but as a robot.

The stone prince movements were rigid like a robot and he started moving. The Arabian Princess and the Stone Prince started dancing and the Prince stepped on the Princess's feet. She let out an "Ouch" and she hit the prince hurting her own hand which is damn stupid. She prayed that the Stone Prince could come to live.

So she kneeled and she prayed

The stone prince can feel his pulsating heart beat again and hot blood rushes through the vein. He took off his mask to reveal a handsome and dashing fat prince.

They started dancing.

And they danced.....

And they never live happily ever after.

The moral of the story is...

Please remember to pee before a performance.........

Bachata Competition!!!

2007-03-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

Here goes…

I completed my second dancing competition and I was the 1st runner up. I had a night of sizzling fun and action.

I hope I gave a hot packed performance for all the audience last night. I admit I was too panicky and it was not my 100% but still I guess it was a job well done.

Let me reveal some hot gossip about all the contestants. It was a great performance by all the contestants last night. Competition was tense enough to be sliced by a knife.

Firstly, let me thank En-motion and the organizers for a wonderful and successful event. It was well organized and well publicized. The number of crowd gathered was amazing and fun loving.

I express gratitude to Gary, our senior director of En-motion dance studio. I thank Catherine, Sally and Suying who was there to support and guided everyone to a smooth deliverable performance.

Erica was such an excellent MC for that night. She was funny, humorous and most importantly, dazzling by nature.

I would like to congratulate the winners Geoffrey and partner for displaying such sizzling performance and the rose-passing-mouth-to-mouth action was originality at its best. The choreo was executed flawlessly and they win hands down. Definitely they have taken me down this time but till then, Askalavista Baby, I will be back.

Furthermore, I finally know who the mysterious partner Geoffrey has been hiding from us for so long. Scandalous at its max.

Gloria, our longevity idol was there to spice things up with a starter and she was so nice throughout. She comforted and encouraged everyone there and she was the one who perked me up with the jokes and laughs.

I salute John and Zheng Ming for staying so cool and undisturbed through out. They are the veterans in the competition scene. They were so poised and calm and they gave excellent performances.

I thank Philbert for the luck and encouragement before and after the competition as he was one of the best Bachata Prince around in our Salsa scene. Reassurance from him was like ice on a hot stone.

To all the ladies out there, I happened to get so lucky to see Luke all naked. Woohoo!!! To my dear Hainanese Chicken Friend, you have the best ~~breast~~ chest man. You would have taken the trophy home if you had torn your shirt apart.

To his partner Lily, ……………………speechless. The sexiest woman on the dance floor. She was practicing her body wave at back stage prior to the competition with Gloria. I happened to be lazing around enjoying my drink and I got a serious nose bleed. Damn that freaking Luke.

After the performance, I really thank every one who took my hand and assured me of my performance. I performed for the public to enjoy. If you didn’t like it, what I did would have been to waste. I am really glad that you enjoyed it.

The sweetest thing after my performance that was told to me was by this Caucasian lady. As I straddled through the dance floor, this warm hand caught me by my wrist. A young lady looked at me and said, “That was a wonderful performance, you captivated me and swooned me away. I was so touched and I almost wept.”

I thank you for your support and the comments. I am really glad you liked it.

Let me say a couple of thanks to all the people that was there for me.

I understand this list will be endless so let me say that every one of you were great. Your hugs and kisses, your hands of assurance and your everything and everything were just perfect. Things can never happen if not for you.

I thank Jackson and June for being there and I cannot express the support from you guys in a mere few sentences.

I thank Boon Cheong for being there as I understand the rush from Media Corp must have been crazy.

I thank Daphne for the flowers and the tender loving hugs and kisses.

I thank my gang and Karen’s gang who was there for all the support and for the flowers and presents. This list will be endless and I do not wish to risk missing anyone out. So I think its better not to state.

I thank my best friend Jae and Daphne for being there who came all the way from Malaysia.

I thank Jimmy and Rachel for having dinner with me although I got a big surprise in my Bak Kut Tea last night. I guess the auntie might though that I would have a special taste in unidentified insects. (I need to emphasize that Jimmy and Rachel are not a couple. They are just dancing partners. So please guys and girls, interested please drop me an email and I can arrange a private dinner appointment with the respective personnel.)

I need to thank my partner Karen who believed in us and …………………………………………………….

I thank you, you, you, you, you and you for being there. I hoped I put up a good show and I did not disappoint.

I thank my girlfriend Janet for the support and encouragement. Sorry dear I did not bring home the trophy and I still hope you would be proud of me.

Before I sign off, as a word of advice to everyone who has an interest to participate in any dancing competition, please remember to pee before your performance. It’s very important.

Regards,
Almost Virgin

P/S: For those who took any videos or pictures, please send a copy to me. I want to see them. Please send it to johnny_kwek@hotmail.com. Thank you so much.

PP/S: Another big round of thank you and I thank you.

Show Me The Money

2007-02-28T00:56:00.000-08:00

I want to win so badly
I want to win so much

I have been thinking about it since Chinese New Year
I cannot sleep not thinking about it

Please let me win
Please let me win the Prize money

I promise to be a good boy.
I promise to throw all my porn away.

I vow to help old aunties cross the road more often.
I vow never to litter again.

Please let me win.

Please let me win.

Please let me win the Toto

Ten million dollars

I have not won anything before so let me win it this time.

Show me the money!!!

En La Passion Party (Updated)

2007-02-25T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hi folks,

I am officially announcing that I am going to partake in the ever first Singapore's Bachata Competition.

Please do come down for support on Thursday @ Double O.

Please note the following judging criteria.

1)Showmanship - (Inspired from my wet dream last night)
2)Technique - (Got it at $20 from 7-Eleven)
3)Choreography & Creativity - (My mum baked it for me)
4)Presentation ( inclusive of costumes) - (Rent it)
5)Chemistry - (Always had it)
6)Audience Reaction - (From you)

You will be there, wont you??

(Updated)
To the many of those who are not sure who my partner is going to be, this is for you.

My dearest boon, this is for you.

My sincere apologies to my dancing partner to reveal your identity.

This was the biggest my mouth ever opened.

The Cookie Strikes Again

2007-02-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

Some of you might know that I used to have quite a serious affair with the fortune cookie.

It leads me to having a phobia while having them.

My director from Thailand came into the office today and handed each of us an Ang Bao. Inside each Red Packet, there contains a Fortune Cookie.

This time round I slowly unfold the packaging and prepare to pop it in my mouth. But I suddenly remembered my previous ass breaking incident and I decided to break it into half first.

*Crsshhhhh*

The sound of the cookie broke into half rings before me. I am excited with the hidden message encapsulated within.

I looked.

You'll soon fall in love!

I was blown away. I am already in love and how can I fall in love again? Its going to be so scandalous.

My mind starts to ponder on all scenarios that is going to happen around me. It sends a shiver down my spine. Would it be true?

I looked again and I flipped over.

異性缘份较好，容易结识男朋友，恋爱温馨。
(Able to bond well with the opposite sex. Easy to meet a boyfriend. Sweet love lies ahead.)

Really hope that fortune cookies don't come true. I don't mess around with men anymore. Oops!!!